To: MomOf2

Posted on

I love comments positive or negative but it would be nice to be able to respond. I have an e-mail waiting for MomOf2 if she can take some criticism herself. As far as my disabilities, I choose not to give details about that, its enough to say I was approved for ssi. They agreed 100% with my condition. No  one can trick or fool them like you might be suggesting. I could write about how abusive my ex was, but as I said before, she is my kids mom and i just don’t want to go there. You would just calll me a liar any way. If you personally wish to know I will tell you if it make you less suspicious.

Any one can read through some ones journal/blog and pick out things to criticize them. Start your own Space, tell your story and eventually you will see what I mean. I respect your opinions but I can’t respect the way you hide behind anonymity.

MomOf2 comments:

I rarely read blogs, but I saw this on my msn homepage as being ‘featured’ and I thought it sounded interesting. I do feel sometimes that good men get ‘screwed over’ in divorces, so I came here hoping that I could be supportive. But I’m having some difficulty doing that. In large part, because it seems that you’ve left out information, and I wonder why that is. I did read all the entries in the blog to ensure that I got as accurate of a picture as I could. And before someone starts yelling, “she’s just a bitter ex-wife” I’m not. I’ve never been divorced. I got married 16 years and am still very happily married (a rarity these days, I know). I was, however, a child of divorce and have (unfortunately) seen way too many friends and relatives go through it. Here’s what I noticed when reading your entries: –You mention being disabled, yet you’ve never said what your disability is. Is it any of my business? No, really it’s not, but it does make me wonder. A great many disabled people are able to work in some capacity. Although, it may not be in the job they want or in the job that they previously held. You seem like an intelligent person who is computer savvy, so I wonder exactly what the disability is that doesn’t allow you to work at all. — It appears that you’re allowed 9 hours a month with your child (4 ½ hours every other Saturday—a very small amount), that during that time there has to be a 3rd party present, and that at some point the court ordered you to take a parenting class. Why? I get the impression there was some allegation of abuse (although I don’t think you actually came right out and stated that). Did the court find you ‘guilty’ of this without *any* supporting evidence from your ex? And if there were the case, then wouldn’t you have been ordered to take some kind of ‘anger management’ class (as opposed to, or maybe in addition to, the parenting class)? Again, I just feel like you’ve skimmed over the details, and I’ve found that generally when people do that, it’s because they’re picking out the details that make them look good. — You speak of going to court because you got a ticket for driving with suspended license, but you were doing the heroic thing (my words, not yours). But you don’t mention what your license was suspended for. Maybe it was for not paying child support, or maybe it was for something else, I don’t know. But I wondered why you left the information out. And, by the way, if your neighborhood is such a closely knit community, wasn’t there someone you could have called to go to the store for this sick child’s medicine? — In your very first entry you mention going to court and the judge wouldn’t allow you to mention your ex-wife’s adultery. Yet, you don’t say what you were in court for at that time. If it was to discuss child support, then why would her adultery be relevant to that issue? Also, I almost get the impression that you feel that the state should have done something to save your marriage (ie: the state won’t force people into family counseling, they don’t offer any help keeping the family together, etc). Do you really think it’s the state’s job to save people’s marriage? What’s next? The state deciding who you marry? And I’m sorry, but I find it very hard to believe that a judge would ‘giggle’ and say ‘Delaware is a woman’s state’. –You comment on your belief that children of divorce should have some say in issues, provided that they’re old enough to know what’s going on. But you don’t state what you feel is ‘old enough’. Most states (and actually, probably all states) do allow a child to have their ‘say’ once they reach a certain age. In my state, the age is 12. Do you think it should be lower? Do you really think that, for example, a 6-year-old is capable to deciding what’s best of them? Not the ones that I know. — You talk about not having money for basic necessities (like rent), but then spend money on video games. My father used to give us gifts too. To us it made him look like a hero (which was exactly what he wanted), because after all, Mom never bought us toys. What I know now, is that Mom never bought toys because she couldn’t afford them since Dad wasn’t paying child support and she was spending her money on our necessary items (food, school supplies, etc). That’s what I thought of, when I read your entry. –You comment on being upset that your son sometimes calls your ex’s boyfriend ‘Dad’. I can understand that must have hurt. But, I must admit that I then found it a little ironic when you stated, “I’ll be seeing kids of old girlfriends who still call me Dad.” Hey, these are just my personal thoughts, and you can disregard them if you are so inclined. I will admit that your son is absolutely adorable!  6/19/2005 11:50 PM    
 
 Published by: MomOf2

11 Replies to “To: MomOf2”

  1. Don’t take everything this lady says to heart. Some people feel the need to critique. Just do your best and let go of the best! I hope you had a great Father’s Day and I hope you got to spend some time with your son! Take care!

  2. Tom,You don’t have to take her so serious, like you said, have her tell her story and if she tells the truth, then others will have different opinions on hers also. You don’t have to explain your disablity to anyone but the people who have to know. She is no one, only someone who reads into what people are saying.Take care,PattyGlad you had a good day, even if it wasnt spent with Logan 🙂 Theres always another day, days don’t run out. Always 365 days in a year……..

  3. I included my e-mail so you can’t say I’m hiding behind anonymity! I’m sorry for what you are going through but I, just like momof2, just wonder about some specifics. I didn’t take her message as being critical of your blog. I think she may have just been trying to tell you what people wonder about so they can be more supportive. I know I would like to know specifics so I can support you. It is not everyday that you get to hear the dad’s story. If you don’t want people to know about you or your story, why put it out there? Everyone has issues but if you don’t want people to comment, ask questions, give advice, or be critical then you might want to specify. Also something that I find helps me (although I have issues just like everyone else and am not perfect) is that I try to treat everyone the way I want to be treated! If someone is critical of me I don’t turn around and find something about them to be critical about. I hope you have a great day!

  4. Hi Tom,I was fuming when I read her comments. I am also on a disability (which, by the way, I had to fight for for nine years.)I have bipolar disorder and am also very intelligent, educated, and skilled. That is, however, a far, far, cry from being *able*.Imagine a computer: It has a large hard drive, a fast cpu, lots of great programs, plenty of ram, etc..whatever. Anyhow, regardless of all these great features, there is something wrong with one of the components: bad drivers, corrupted ram, or a power supply thats not strong enough to support all the components. I’m sure you get where I’m going with this.This is why disabled people get soooo sick and tired of being criticized for collecting disability (Like it’s really the summit of all my aspirations to live on less than a thousand dollars a month.) It’s like people are not happy seeing you on a disabiltiy unless you are armless, legless, and/or eyeless. Then and only then, are most people satisfied that justice has somehow been served. As for leaving stuff out, well, what of it? Some things are strictly on a need to know basis, as in, if you don’t see it, you don’t need to know. If I sound testy, well, I’ll just blame my manic depression. Heh.Cheers, Happy Father’s Day (A day late) and Happy Summer Solstice to all!

  5. Oh yeah! One more thing: When someone really annoys you, just tell yourself this little mantra: "They’re just text on a screen" LOL

  6. Wow! Thats not a comment, thats a short story. What a joke. don’t tell that women anything you don’t want to. You don’t have to explain anything to anyone you don’t want to. She is Nobody. She’s a very bored person that has nothing better to do then cut odown on people. She must live a sad 🙁 life. Maybe, you can amuse her somehow. I’ll think on that one and get back with you :)Patty

  7. Wow Mom2 certainly has a way of leaping before looking.Id like to touch on the abuse comment made by Mom2. When 2 people get divorced itis state law in every state that I know of for both parents to attend parenting classes. So to even suggest that this man has abused his child in some way is not only obtuse, but jumping the gun a bit.Mom2 also states that it would appear that some of the story is missing in dads blogs…Well yeah there is. I’m going to fill you in on some thing(mom2) that everyone else on the planet already knows… There are 3 sides to every story. There are the two different sides being told by each person, and then the truth. Perception is ones reality. Hell My 10 year old knows that.Ill end my rant with this Mom2.. It really is a shame that when a father is seemingly trying to do the best he can do for his children, while having to deal with the stress of divorce, change, and heartbreak, that it still isn’t good enough for the judgemental female such as yourself. I’m willing to bet you have a glass house just like the rest of us. My advice is never to cast stones. Your unvarnished opinions do not help, and will never prove to be productive. Im going to teach you something your mother should have taught you as a child.."If you cant say anything nice, then don’t say anything at all"Vexxis

  8. Hey Tom one more comment about miss things criticisms…My dad whom was missing from my life for fifteen years, has Schiz and is bipolar, that doesnt make him a bad person and it doesnt make him a bad parent, he lives on disability and its very frustrating for him. He would do and DOES everything he possibly can to be a good parent to me..and a good grand parent to my children He actually made the comment to me last night that he wants to be the grandparent to my kids that he couldnt be as a parent for me. I love him just as much for that. God had reasons for the absense of him in my life. There is strength to be found in struggle. If you ever need to talk, look me up mate! I completely understand where you are coming from. Keep the faith mate your on the right track! God bless!Echoo

  9. You are right every one has an opinion and that is why I believe tom started this blog is to get things off his chest and to get everyones opinion. Yeah peaple change I do know this. And I do know that EVERYONE has skeletons in their closest. Some thing they did or something that was done to them at some point in their life. That dosen’t make them "bad" as someone put. I’m not saying Tom is a bad guy I’m just saying Tom has some skeletons. I know of five guys that have custody of their children so I know there are things that are untold here. The system is not always awful and against men. I cant say that I have gone thru any thing like this, being married for 17 years with 2 kids. Never been divorced and my parents were together till my father past away. Now it wasnt the perfect life growing up…there was no money and we didn’t really know the difference. I do know that 70% of parents are divorced and have the same issuses. I just feel that Tom needs to read and respect all of these comments because maybe some of what everybody is saying can help. As far as "if you cant say anything nice dont say them at all"…that would be great then everybody can live their life without knowing how other people feel. The truth hurts but it"s still is the truth. Peace, Blak

  10. Mom2 hit it right on the nail as far as I am conerned! I read this blog from beginning to end the first day that it was featured on MSN. I wanted to to say EVERYTHING she said but chose to refrain. Yes, it is true that most states make you take a parenting class when you divorce, this is common. However it is not very common that a father only sees his child for a few hours a week. So, as far as I am concerned…..it is too bad that they picked a father such as you to be featured for fathers day. I most certainly would love to hear from your Ex-wife…I bet she could shed some light on your story that contains sooooo many holes!!!

  11. You know, I thank God that at the college I went to they were so understanding and knowledgable about disabilities. As a matter of fact, they had more understanding for "invisible" disabilities because others do not treat it the same as when they see someone with guide dog (for example). I am on disability. I had brain surgery, a large brain tumor. I am blessed that I am not walking around at midnight with a grocery cart collecting things! Just small stuff. But enough STUFF to cause me problems and life adjustments. And part of that adjusting was that I am not the same. That was/is frustrating, along with the fact that disability does not pay jack bleep. I would rather work! Oh and by the way…pass on thanks to Feral-Cherub for giving me a laugh!

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