To: Child Support Officer

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To Child Support Officer,

I wish you had the courage to leave a way for me to respond to your comments. I don’t like to waste entry space to do it. I wont embarrass you here. I wish to keep my space clean. If you felt so strongly about your opinions You wouldn’t try to aviod rebutal.

Thanks to all those who defended me from this┬áC.S. officer. I have much to say to them if they would just have the courage to let me resp. I won’t hold my breath…tomg

8 Replies to “To: Child Support Officer”

  1. Tom, I didnt leave a comment on your other post about your fathers grave because you had so many already, I wasnt sure you would notice mine. Maybe if I am the first comment here I can be sure you will see it. I dont have any experience with your situation but one of my close friends lost her mother when she was 13 and her older sister 3 months later. Her mother was burried in NY and she moved here right after the funeral. About two years ago she was able to go back for the first time and see where she was burried. It was an extremly emotional experience for her but she is happy she did it. I guess my advice to you would be to do what you feel is right. Your father loved you, unconditionaly. He would want you to do what makes you feel most comforatable. It doesnt change the amount of love you have for him by chosing wether or not you go to his grave site. Happy fathers day! Dont get so busy now that you have the best space on msn that you stop writing me, ;).

  2. Tom…IMNSHO, the best way to deal with folks like that is to simply delete their comments and ignore them entirely. Engaging them in any sort of conversation and giving them ‘free press’ so to speak, only encourages such trolls. Once you feed a troll, they keep coming back. I don’t delete people who disagree with me, but I will delete nasty trash comments that have no point. Like the person who told me that life is rough and I should just get over it. *Ahem* Yes…okay.Some folks are cowardly little trolls, Tom. Ignore them and move on. I wouldn’t bother with the riffraff.You’ve already WAYYYYYY surpassed the hits I had over he course of the week. I’m glad of that. There is little enough attention paid to this subject. Technically, I’m on ‘the other side’ since I am the CP. But, parenting is a job that takes a hell of a lot when only one of the two is involved.You clearly care. You clearly want to be involved. Don’t let the system beat you. Keep on trucking. You’ll get there. It may take time and lots of frustration. But someday that little boy will be a man who knows how much he was loved by his daddy. P.S. I’m a bit AR about spelling on my own space, but part of that I get natural. I did quite a bit of editing way back when. If you (or anyone) wants use of a free and pretty cool spell checker for IE, check out It works. It’s stable. It’s FREE (not shareware, but FREE) for personal use. That’s only if you want to use it. Don’t feel compelled to worry about the trolls and narsty beasts that have nothing better to do beside be critical and creepy.

  3. Tom, I was 19 yrs old when I lost my Dad and 5 mos later I lost my (Step) Grandfather. They are buried next to each other and we visit the graves. When my young cousins were born, now ages 9 and 5 years old, my aunt (their mother) and I had to explain to them why our father’s weren’t alive. It took some time for them to understand. We would show pictures,a family video, and stories about them. Now that their older they have a much better understanding that these are people who were a part of our lives and touch their lives but they won’t ever meet them. It’s great to have been able to share the stories and pictures.. To actually see them doing little things that remind us of their Grandfather. On the other hand, my father died before getting to see my 1/2 sister and brother, who were raised by his ex wife, after a divorce and she moved them out-of-state. Long story. They are bitter and blame him for every wrong thing in their lives, they don’t accept their mother isn’t "ok" and was the reason Dad couldn’t see them……Anyway, I’m in touch with my sister’s daughter,my niece, and get to share stories of him with her. The best part is my niece is now getting ready to have her own child…the great grandchild of my father!! Someone else to share stories with if they are interested. Good or bad…family,knowing the history of your family, is interesting for everyone. I hope your family journey will be good too! God Bless**

  4. i know how you feel my mom passed away last september and my stepdad in march of this year mothers day was horrible for me and i know fathers day will be also as he was more of a father to me the five years he was with my mom than my real dad could ever be we all have difficult choices to make but only god can guide us thru them put your trust in him and fathers day will be better

  5. I know what you are going through. My space was featured last week and the week before. Although I received alot of wonderful comments, I also received a few "not so nice" ones. I wouldn’t worry about it. Some people just like to try and bring others down. You have a great space! Good luck with your situation! ~hugs~Jamie

  6. Tom, I have no idea what kind of relationship you had with your dad, but if you can find kind and good things, happy memories etc.. I think these are important to share with your child. Whether you go to his grave sight or not your father is with you wherever you are, and it is important to allow yourself to feel whatever it is that comes up. Painful feelings and tears are not "bad" they are actually quite normal. What is not normal or healthy is avoiding these or any feelings. One of the greatest gifts you can ever give your son is teaching him how to recognize own and experience his feelings. It actually requires more courage to allow ourselves to experience emotional pain than it does to not cry and be tough! Good Luck.

  7. Tom, Regarding your response to your Son about your father, I would say, share with him everything that was good, noble, worthy, and unique about your father. My father died also and now I have a lot of nieces and nephews with whom I am very close. I don’t have any children of my own, and I spend a lot of time with my nieces and nephews who are still young (8 under 10 yrs old) and love to learn about their relatives. I feel it is my responsibility to familiarize them with their Grandpa even though he is not here to interact with them. What I have noticed is that they are very interested to hear about him, about the type of person he was, about his accomplishments, but most importantly they like to hear how he would have loved them had he met them. This always makes them very quiet and they like to know that eventhough he is not present, he would have loved them, would have loved to play with them and be an integral part of their lives. I have seen their faces light up with a smile and a wish that they could have known him. This is also very good for me to see because it makes me feel that I am sharing him with them, it makes him real to them, and the effect of his truly magnificent personality, attributes and faith, somehow inspires and affects them. So, I would say don’t wait too long to share your Father with your Son. There may be things about your Father that your Son will benefit from and will inspire him in his future. –Claudia

  8. I don’t get into issues of who is right or wrong. I do know there are always two sides to every story. My ex walked out when my kids were 3 41/2 and almost 6. He left without saying goodbye. Now they are 16 14 and 12. They have seen there dad three times in the ten years. He does not know them nor does he support them. He is in arrears in Child Support in tens of thousands… I say all of this to suggest two things – the first is that you never walk out on yous son no matter what the struggle and complications you must go through…. as you already know it is worth every thing to have your child look to you as an example and know with all his heart how much you love him and have sacrificed and gone through to be the father that you are…. I have three children that would have given ANYTHING in the world to have their father care for them, to know their birthdays or just remember them at Christmas with a card. After 10 years they each struggle in seperate ways the loss of their father. I assume it is theunconditional love that they have for him, that allows them to still desire a father in their lives. The second suggestion I have is to be better than your exwife. I hope you can find that place in your heart that will forgive and if nothing else, praise her for giving birth to you son, no matter what you and she have gone through, always remember how your son loves her with an unconditional love… and teach him to honor her as a parent, and support his love for her. In doing this you will teach him many important aspects of character and continue to be a great father. God Bless, your story and writings have touched my heart. Hang in there dad… as you already know-your son is your life, your joy and your most precious asset you have.

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