The “3 Sides”

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There is two sides to every story my side, her side and the truth. I agree 100%. I was just thinking about this trying to figure HOW I can write "her" side of the story. Maybe Mandi or Han Cholo can explain how this is done. It seems imposible to me. I can only write the "story" from two "sides" my side and the truth. I have done all that I can to invite her to comment if she find anything she diagrees with and guess what? She does not because as she herself said to me she can’t find anything that is not true. What more can I say about her "side". I wonder exactly what mandi and han cholo guy expects me to do, MAKE her give her "side". I have never forced her to do anything before and I can’t start now just because a few people are suspicious.  
They are saying that I have left a lot of questions but do not ask any questions themselves. I would gladly and honestly answer them. May be not here on my Space but I would satisfy their desire to know more. I do not want my Space to become a Soap Opra Or a bash-the-ex.
I also find it odd that they do not ask why my ex did not show for court twic? One for custody that she filed. Or how can a mother have so many "dads"for the same Son. They Must agree with these actions on her part i guess.
Again I will say this blog is for my side and the truth. These are the only sides I can write from. If anyone wants her side or input they’ll have to find out who she is and ask her because i can’t give it.
I’ll be waiting for mandi and han cholor to answere to MY question "how can I give her side of the story?".
I won’t hod my breathe.
Another thing while I am in this mood, I put my life here, things that most people would never have the nerve to write about. Every entry I go out on a limb. I do not mind negative comments but these are from people who want to critisize what others write about but are to ashamed to write about their own life for fear of the same thing they dish out to others, critisism. 
I do not use my Space to get "pitty" or "sympathy". If were to write everything they want then it would seem like I was looking for it. I choose not to tell what my problems are because this Sppace is not about me. it is about my struggles with my ex and visits with my Son. I have rarley said anything about my disabllities because I am ashamed of it. All of my life I have prided my self on my ability to work. Now that I can not I feel useless sometimes. It troubles me to hear people say that they know some one with the same problems and they work. With this kind of thinking no one would qualify for ssi because some one with no arms or legs could, if pushed, could get a job as a paper weight. (no disrespect to those with this problem). These people are just misinformed and I guess I’ll have to leave it at that…tom g  

22 Replies to “The “3 Sides””

  1. These people are just looking to hurt others…..or were in a terrible mood. But you reacted well, and didn’t just blow up in their face. If only everyone could be more patient. Your side is the only one that matters anyway. Your wife knows of your space, and would comment if she saw anything untruthful. Ignore these bad apples and continue being a strong, patient individual. PS: for some reason the last couple letters of every line on your space are getting cut off…….don’t know what thats about…..hope you can fix it!

  2. BTW, thanks for commenting on my space so fast! I was still editing it when you replied! I hope my first real job is better than the one you described. Good luck with the two trouble makers!

  3. Hello there,The people who posted the negative comments on your space got exactly what they were looking for… 1. to get you on the defense.(you gave them alot of attention this evening, and alot of reference to them.. and they may like it, even if it negative). 2. publicity/advertisement for their own blog spots. You have people who go to your site, to see how you are, to see how things are going with your son,what you have done on your visits, and your own personal thoughts and feelings on them. They come here to support you. I would assume that people who read your blog, realize it is your point of view, it is how you feel…. after all it is called "A Fathers Struggle" nothing in the title has anything to do with your ex wife, … Do not pay so much attention to the negative people. That is all they can do.. be negative to everything and everyone.I think those who come to your site, will not be swayed by the negative talkers. Do not give them a second thought.You take care,Keppiegirl

  4. i have read and re-read your entries…..there are always many sides to the story….always. I don’t think you are looking for sympathy….just need to get some things "off your chest"….ignore the negative. Life is to short….just ain’t worth it. 🙂 ya know? As far as a disability goes….it saddens me that you would think you are any less of a person. Who you are is not what people see on the outside…who you are is what is in your head and your heart, and it is up to you to make the most of it. You keep being a great father, and dont give up.

  5. Hi Beth is right. A disability doesn’t make the person. No matter what kind of disability you have, you love your son and put him first in your life. That is more important than ANYTHING. Keep smiling. SAAM

  6. well, who ever is checking things out, just visited my site, from the page on yours where I left my comment..I too have deleted a comment, not because I dissagreed with it but becaue there was too much abusive content towards someone who hadn’t even visited my site but I’d left a comment on thiers.My son still isn’t talking to me, and altho it’s only been a week, I feel like it’s bee a year. Hope you remember to let the grandparents be a part of your son’s life if they want to.

  7. Tom,I can say that you are telling the truth. You invite your ex to speak and she does not. I visit this site just about everyday to read about your struggle I invite others to read it as well. I am sorry if I offended you about the two sides things. I just know that if a certain person were to tell their side of my story they would say differently. In my situation though I would not expect them to agree, that would mean jail time…

  8. Hey Tom – Everyone is right. Don’t invest so much time and energy into the negative. This site is yours and I have been visiting for awhile now. I also come to see how things are or maybe if there is something I can add to help out, or make you feel better. Yes, there are two sides to every story (or 3 as you say), but this is your story. Your place to talk. Your invitation to your ex was a generous thing to do, but in my opinion not necessary. This is your venting place and if anyone has a question I have never known you not to answer it.Everyone is entitled to their opinion. I say even bothering to delete comments is not necessary. Just move on. So when’s the next visit? Or did you already say and I missed it.Deb

  9. Tom,once again as i’ve said before. You DO NOT have to explain anything to anyone. This is for you and for you only. I just feel people just pick out something and don’t bother looking at the rest as for these ones that want you to give her story how can one person do that unless it is them. I could give my ex’s story but it wouldn’t be his story. Remember this is for you and not all the people that have negative things in their lifes, they have nothing better to do that put others down.You can chose to do what you want when you want on your space. DO NOT EXPLAIN ANYTHING TO THESE FOOLS-IDIOTS :)Take care and have a great day,Patty 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

  10. hello Tom I just read your story i agree you cant say how your ex is feeling only she can. I am on my second marriage and my first husband wont let me see our kids its been this way for 12 years. I try to but he has told the kids lies about me which I have heard from their friends. because of the lies my son now 18 years old wont talk to me he thinks i am the one lieing . as i couldnt say my ex’s side of the story but all i can do is say my side and the truth. best wishes to you and your kids.

  11. I agree with everyone else regarding the negativity…this is your blog, your space…if your ex wants to tell her side, then she will get her own space and do that. just wanted to let you know that i have visited your site since it was featured in june, and keep coming back because you have a compelling story. good luck, keep writing, and i will keep reading.

  12. Hey! Me again, I was just checking your site today, and i saw that you changed the background. Looks Good! I am interested to see how those two react….Anywho, I’ll check back tommorow, like i always do. Hope it all works out! ô_ô

  13. You can also find me at:'m currious as to how you found me, and that I had linked your site to mine… But I’m sure you have your ways… I just wanted to say that you are among the best guys out there. Because you do take an interest in your childs life, given the situation. Not very many guys choose to stick around for their child. (I speak more from personal experience than statistics…) However I’m sorry things went the way they did for you, and feel free to comment on my LJ any time!Stephanie D.

  14. I just wanted to write in and give you some encouragement, especially after the negative stuff that you had to deal with from those two posters… if they don’t like what you have to say in your site, then they don’t need to stick around and read it. Don’t give up hope about the situation with your son. It sounds like you are doing the right thing and putting him first. My parents went through a very ugly divorce when I was a child, and we (my brother and I) ended up being used as weapons until my father put his feelings aside and stopped it. He gave up his rights to us so we could have what he hoped was a "normal" life. It didn’t really work out that way, but he won in the end anyway. My brother and I have no contact with our mother now, and we are very close with our dad – through our own choice when we were able to make that decision for ourselves. Sorry to ramble on… I just wanted to let you know that there really is light at the end of the tunnel, and if you keep putting your child first he will realize it when he’s older and appreciate your sacrafices for him.

  15. Hi there – you should read my blog today… My husband has hit an all new low! incidentally… i don’t think you ever deleted my comment that didn’t agree with everything you said.

  16. Hey, there are always going to be people who don’t understand, don’t want to, cannot accept others, etc. The concept of Live and Let Live are foreign to them. At this point, you need to do what you know is right. Everyone knows there are at least 2 sides to everything. Sometimes, you just have to remind yourself of where the sources are in their lives. We all come to where we are with our own hurts, biases and agendas. Sometimes, you just take the high road and say, I’m doing the best I can and the heck with the naysayers. Hang in there.Janice

  17. hey tom, i havent read all your "posts" but i am starting from the begining…i am a few months in… i am really touched by your story, and it almost sounds like a movie….i dont think thats a conselation tho…anyway im 14, and my mom and dad cant get along, but they are not divorced, just sepperated…and i live with my mom, but my dad lives down the street so we hang out a lot…i will finish up reading later and then post more and stuff…. gimme an email some time,… ill be checking my email.. now to find some aspirin, your ex has given me a headache :O

  18. I see you deleted your post with their spaces on it. Tom don’t let these ignorant people get to you sweetie. I saw one of their pages and she was just a little blonde girl with nothing better to do than to talk about you. The only entry was about you. I feel for her, if thats all she knows how to do. Your right there is always three sides to a story and your only able to tell one of them.Take care next tie let me know and ill kick some booty. lolPatty

  19. Hey just thought id drop a line. The only thing i said was that there are 3 sides to every story. Theres no way to get the exact truth of the situation from any one person and I think even Tom here can agree with me on that.What i did have a question on is why he is only allowed a 4.5 hour visit on what it seems is every other week. Courts usually dont issue that type of restraint unless there is jsut cause and it has been investigated fully by DCFS or whatever it is in your area. For those people that just take a story at face value then ive got a great one about the Dragons and knights in ancient Australia.If youve truely been lowballed so many times as you make it out to be then sorry but it sucks to be you and thats the truth. Keep fighting the good fight though. :)P.S. If you saw mine or the other persons site.. i have nothing on mine just came across this the other day.. She has one comment about Tom’s situation.

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