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Sadness!

My Son Logan has been getting upset when I have to take him home, sometimes he cries. I have to hear about it from my ex because she swears I am trying to "turn him against her". She expect me to make it seem like I enjoy dropping him off. It is hard because I get sad too. How can I make it a good thing to go back to her when he enjoys being with me so much.
She interrogates him too, every little thing she disagrees with I am expected to just stop because it is her demands. I give him 100% of my attention when he is with me and when he goes home he gets very little attention from his mom let alone the guy she is with. He think sometimes I am going to go away too. I tell to remember way, way back as far as he can, and he remembers me being there throughout all the other guys who left. He knows them all by name and I assure him that I will always be there.
My ex flips out because I bring the other guyssss up. She incapable of understanding how I am only trying to reassure him, not make him think she is bad with relationships. He figured that one out himself long ago, sadly by her own doing not mine.
She also hates that we play PC games together because he ask her to play with her and she won’t. I stead of telling the truth that she doesn’t want to, she make it out to be some horrible thing and that I am so bad for letting him and I have something we both enjoy in common.
I would never make her look bad but I wont’ make myself look bad only to make her look good. I wish she would just let us have our time and stop making a big deal out of nothing…..tom g

10 thoughts on “Sadness!

  1. Thanks for the comment Tom!  It’s nice to know that people "check in" here and there!  Hand in there!  I know the battles can be rough!  Stay Strong!
    Rachel Jean

  2. Welcome back Tom – I’ve often thought of you and Logan and wondered how you are.  The pictures are great and Logan is growing up and handsome as can be.
    I’m sorry things aren’t going well with you and your ex. 
    Your perserverence in maintaining a solid loving relationship with Logan will pay off in the end.  For now all you can do is your best day by day.  Sharing your frustrations helps. 
    Meanwhile hope your weekend is awesome.
    Deb
     

  3. Tom, my ex husband did the same thing to me with our children. I try to get along because of the kids but he cant, they are Teenagers now and we still cant get along. He told them lies about me and did some really evil things, now my son still isnt talking to me right now but my daughter is and i think god for that. at least one is right now and someday my son will come around. Just hang in there and Pray. What my ex has done I leave in gods hands he will take care of my ex in time. Be strong and your a great father and remember that. you havent done anything wrong. She is just wanting to start something with you. Hang in there and  things will work out !

  4. Hey Tom,
    Thought I’d give you some insight into what makes women and men so different, maybe it’ll help. I’m not so sure it’s been discussed here already (as I’ve just come across your blog now and have only read a couple of your blogs so far).
     
    Here’s the thing about women:
    We honestly believe (and perhaps are born that way since the time of creation) that we know best when it comes to the development of children. For instance, you mention your ex-wife thinks that you are trying to pit your son against her (re: video games). In actuality, it’s not that (although I can’t speak for her). Here’s why men find women so difficult…
     
    – Women live by principle. They look at how everything affects LONG-TERM.
     
    Here’s the thing about men:
    There’s little that is a big deal to men. I don’t say that as an insult, but here’s the thing: "Big Deal" is an expression that is commonly used, and typically, amongst boys. Therefore, you can see why a woman finds it hard to trust that. Here’s why women find men so difficult…
     
    – Men live alongside ‘what’s fun’, therefore live by the moment. Nothing is a big deal to them because they aren’t looking at what long-term affects can do to a person. A woman instinctively knows this about man.
     
    Your ex-wife and you could be a Great team if you willingly give up your need for as much fun, which in turn helps her to give up her want to have all the control in the decision-making.
     
    I know what you’re going to say: "Why doesn’t she have to give up anything?" When you think about it, she’s seriously trying to do what’s best for her son > whom she also looks at as a boy that will one day grow up into a man > she looks at him as an independent vs. how a man looks at their child > as attached to him. Does that make any sense? Therefore, she is working to make him independent, use his time wisely, life isn’t all about fun – there’s work too, etc, while you are looking at all the fun.
     
    That’s frustrating for a woman because she knows what that contributes to a boy in the long-term – he won’t be as intellectually in tune and/or be able to communicate on any level except fun.
     
    Perhaps that’s harsh, but it’s certainly not meant to be. Women are more mature, they are the caregivers, can contribute to emotional development, whereas men tend to be about fun and insensitive to everything around them. Okay, so I don’t have a psychology degree, or haven’t done any statistics on it. But we do have war for the reasons of not thinking about others and long-term and just looking for the gain.
     
    Women NEVER look to gain. Believe it or not. They give and teach freely, and they never expect anything in return. This is what makes a great leader. That’s why women should run for President. They wouldn’t be looking to take from another country, or a person’s life. They’d be looking to add to it.
     
    I DON’T say that you aren’t! I just say that perhaps you never looked at it that way. Please remember, your ex-wife deserves respect. She’s a woman, she’s the mother of your child, and with your help-the two of you working together, you have a very healthy son. That is much better than NOT trying to see your wife’s point of view – perhaps she just might be right?
     
    I think that’s the problem with today’s society – we are still in the dark ages where women weren’t allowed to say anything at all. We’re really not that stupid you know! We have strong intuitions, perhaps it’s that sixth sense everyone needs to have.
     
    Looking forward to reading more here. I am so thrilled you love your son. This world would be so much better if everyone had as caring a father.

  5. You sound like my father… my mother is very much like your ex.  My absolute deepest sympathies go your way my friend!!!!  And one thing I am tired of hearing (or reading) is how a woman will manipulate her way to getting what she wants because she knows that hardly anyone will question her. 
     
    Before I get going (on this subject, I can really get going…) I just wanted to show you, in my way, that your son is not alone in this (he sounds like me, though younger) and that you are not alone in this because my dad is much like you.
     
    I guess what I am trying to say is that I don’t know what to say… these things really hit home for me!!!

  6. I see many father’s who dont bother with their children.
    You have the gift and you sound the perfect dad any child could ask for.
    keep strong and  do not let her get to you.Its very hard at time’s. Being a single mother of two i go though the same.
    I just wish my children had their dad’s around.So i no how you feel as im going through similer things with my ex.’s
    Except they don’t really bother with the kid’s,which is a shame as kid’s don’t stay kid’s for long,and so much is being lost.
    Be strong and it’s great to read a father’s side.

  7. Tom~
    You might as well face the fact that your ex is jealous. What you should do is document the reactions of your son when you have to take him back to his mother!  All the little guy wants is to have her spend some quality time with him and she just can’t seem to find the time to do that cuz she must be worried about how much fun he has with his daddy! To bad you couldn’t get custody of your little boy so you  wouldn’t have to worry about him getting screamed at for every little thing he does wrong. Why don’t she take the time to see and do the good things with him! Shame on her for drilling him and putting the little guy in the middle. That is why, in Iowa, parents have to take a class called, Children in the middle, to learn not to put the child in the middle. Maybe that is what your ex needs. Hope everything goes well for you and Logan! Just remember, do what you two love doing together and who cares what she thinks!
    Take Care of you and Logan
    Julie

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