My Last Name…

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…is important to me. My brothers and sisters all have daughters. My Son is the only male in my generation. I hope nothing ever changes that. I’ve been reading other Spaces and there was many debates about changing kids last names. I know there are good reason for doing it but there are many who seek to make that change for spiteful reasons.

On the other hand, many reasons exist to keep the family name of the bio father. In case of an untimely death, it is important for any Gov benefits. You may have hard times and need medical insurance & financial assistance for his children. The Gov won’t seek you out or advertise these benefits.

I do not know much about my family history but my last name is important to me…tom g 

How important is it to you?

41 Replies to “My Last Name…”

  1. I believe also that last names are important. I too have a son, but he doesn’t carry my last name, but that of his father! As his mother, my last name dies with me. I am the last to carry it, as the youngest of a family of all girls. All girl cousins too, so no more of us when I die, my father’s last name dies too! I chose to take my husband’s last name when we married, not to hyphenate it, but now you’ve got me wondering what happens to my maiden name when my father dies? He is the last of his family. HIs brother has already passed away and I have no brothers….so, what happens when my father dies? Does our last name just fade into oblivion? I hope not…..maybe I should change my son’s name to include my maiden name, so my father isn’t the last…..

  2. I, too, agree names are important. However, initially when someone is born – their name means absolutely nothing. It’s what people associate with that name after you are gone that enables memories of you to surface. So many people are worried that their family name might cease to exist. To a certain extent, it’s selfish to feel that the name you choose to label someone with is to benefit you or your ancestors in some way or another. Really and truly the name you choose to write on the birth certificate of the children you bear is only what that child makes it. Teach your children to recognize the importance of bearing a good name and the responsibilities that ensure that a good name is being cultivated all through out their life, then you have something substantial to pass down from generation to generation – an example, not a label.

  3. I don’t find lastnames that important for me, but I am a girl, and eventually it’s going to change anyway. I also know of some people that work the last name into a second middle name so that it still lives on a little bit… I think it’s more of a male thing.. I just read through some of your posts.. I enjoyed them.. I think I’ll come back when I have more time to read through a bit more..your story sounds intriguing. Have a great weekend =D

  4. In my culture, last names are very important. It is actually pronounced first before the given name and considered somewhat sacred, an inheritance. I haven’t changed my name even though I got married; my mother has done the same thing. Incidentally my last name is not my "real" last name either. When my parents were trying to emigrate to Canada (from the refuggee camp where all of use kids were born), they were only allowed one application per family so he used a lot of fake names as well as his real name. And we so are left with a last name that isn’t our own but elevates our status. Our real last name is "Nou" which doesn’t have any significance but "keo" in Cambodian means glass or crystal, which is highly prized. So you see, maybe he has altered our destiny with aspiring for something higher. And that is a great inheritance. On another note, I am honored that you would want to add me to your favorites. By all means. – Bunny

  5. nice space 🙂 ..I have a cat just like yours ….mine is completely black too …but his name if furrball.. :)..Have a great weekend!!TTFN

  6. hey tom thanx for leaving a comment on my space,and to get a song on your space go back to my space look for the cool spaces list and either go to msn spaces 101 or blogo both have excellent sections on adding songs to your space

  7. hi tom, i’ve been reading back the last couple of entries and noticed your comments regarding moms who don’t know who/where the father of their child is and whether or not they get any child support. I just thought you might want to know that if they file a claim, these moms DO get support from the state. It hasn’t always been this way, it started in the 90’s around the same time that new laws came into place which made the child support information system national rather than state to state, so that it would be harder for people to duck their cs payments by moving out of state. Also if these moms ever do find the fathers of their children, the state will make that man pay back all the money that they have paid on his behalf. I just wanted to tell you this because I know a lot of people don’t know this. There are a lot of moms out there who need financial help but don’t file a claim because they don’t know who/where the father is. They don’t know that the state will pay them anyway. Well maybe some of them might see this and go get their money…

  8. Hey man, I’ll be honest. Life’s not easy. And all I can tell you is that if you look at my page, it’ll show you what a GREAT father can do to a son. And I’m proud to say that my dad was there for me. Although my parents just recently divorced, I can say that they’re still friends, but I’m glad I had a "father" and a "dad". And I still do. Even though I’m "grown" (big 22!!), there’s still day’s when I need my "dad". So keep your head up, and hug your son extra tight on Father’s day. I won’t see or probably speak to mine on that day. …

  9. sure! go ahead and add me to your space just so long as it’s cool that i add you to my faves listkaleigh

  10. i am sort of conflicted on this topic. mostly because my last name is of my mom and not my dad. my older brother however, was given his dad’s name and not only that but, he and my dad share the same first name(coinsidence). so while he bears both his and my dad’s names, i feel that persoally i have nothing to show of my own dad’s existance. my dad died when i was 9yrs. old. he wasn’t very present in my life anyway because of personal situations. however, i still wish that my history wasn’t so broken up. my mother is the oldest of three girls and i am the 2nd of her 2 boys. i guess she must have thinking about her own legacy along with her father’s when i was born. being that she was yet unmarried and my grandfather had no sons. apparently, my father’s legacy wasn’t a concern. anyway, because of this i have been trying to find myself in this crazy world and develope a legacy for myself. many times i have thought about changing my name to best suit my own legacy. i would like for my children to follow in it but ultimately they’re gonna do their own thing anyway. so all you can do is be a good example so that your kids will want to keep your name and follow in your footsteps. thus mantaining your legacy. God bless!!-Bishop

  11. Hey thanks for posting in my space. Anyway to me last names are important because it’s something you’re born with that can never change (even if you’re a woman and you’re married you still are Jane Doe even if you’re Jane Stevens by marriage). Also if you change your last names it’ll cause a lot of confusion with the government and health records because they could see you as a different person if they’re not careful. For instance, once I got a medical bill addressed to Tommy Lee Allan. My parents noticed this and they sent it back to the hospital. But with new technologies, they are able to store health information on computer and not on paper, thus, it would be automatically documented and there wouldn’t be confusion. To get back on subject, yes, last names are important.

  12. Well my family has been traced back to the mid to late 1800’s and unfortunatley for most family’s their family name isn’t the orignal to begin with. Alot of names were changed when families first imigrated over to the united states. Alot of the times is because immigrants didn’t know how to speak or write english. So needless to say alot of surnames were misspelled or changed. Also people that migrated over, alot of them had the same last surnames so when they registered here they had to distinguish themselves from others. For example on my mothers side, our family migrated over from germany and Ireland w/ the last names Cheeke and Springle but the names were changed to Cheek and Sprinkle. So u see like someone else had posted surnames only make a difference if the value, meaning and history is preserved. I think that if u have a child that child should carry their fathers name.

  13. I do understand most veiws on changing a childs last name. There are a few reasons why you should change it. My daughter was given her fathers last name when she was born. He dissapeared from her life shortly thereafter. Her last name is hussey. Can you imagine a little girl growing up with a name she has already been ridiculed for as a link to a family that couldn’t care less if she lived or died. She is not recognised as part of my family to people that know her.They always say "I didn’t know you were her mom" They list my last name as hers which has caused problems hospital wise with billing and recognition. She has begged me for many years to give her my last name and just this year have started proceedings to do so. I think it is great that you have such an active roll in you child’s life. For that alone he should be very proud to carry on your name.

  14. I am going through hell right now. My exwife has turned my stepdaughter (who I raised since she was 14 months old and is now eight) against me…she is bleeding so much out of me for child support I can barely afford to spend time with my daughter. To make matters worse, she married a guy who makes FIVE TIMES as much money as I do (I am enlisted, he is an officer, both Army) Two months after we divorced.I just want to see my daughter. For a while they kept trying to get me to sign papers that would let them change my daughters name. NEVER. It is bad enough I got a vasectomy at my exwifes urging right after my daughter was born, and cant have any more. They cant take this away from me too. WHat makes me the most furious is the facts that the courts immediately treat us all like deadbeat dads. I have been harrassed by both my ex and her lawyer, had an anonymous DHS accusation of child sexual abuse leveled at me (It was decided to be unfounded, but the accusation stays on my record for three years)….I dont understand why women are allowed to try to destroy us, when they wanted to get divorced in the first place. My exes excuse? I didnt make her happy enough….although, before she had the gastric surgery and lost a hundred and twenty pounds, she was happier. I think she got a bad case of grass is greener syndrome, and now wants me to provide her with play money for the rest of her life.

  15. I agree with you that names are important. My son’s father is not interested in being a father or being supportive in any way to my son. Yet, my son enjoy’s having his father’s last name. I would not change that for the world. I can see why in some instances that it would be for the best. In your case I agree that your son should have your last name. I have always agreed with Marilyn (from the "ask Marilyn" column) that boys should get their father’s last name and girls should get their mother’s last name. People say it would be confusing (as if names and mixed families are not confusing already?). Keep up the good work. Nothing really matters except the love and attention that you give your son. Give him that without expecting much in return and amazing things will happen.

  16. Thinking about some things that i have just quickly read over in your blogs,, Remember in one u had wrote of what to on Fathers Day and if u should visit the grave, and in another blog entry u spoke of ( I always dreamed of going fishing with my bio Father. Or just being with him would have been nice. We did spend a few together but I don’t really remember any details. )I haven had the time YET to read =more about U hun,,but i did want U to spend your Fathers Day doing of what u have dreamth of..If your not able to take your son out fishing and just being together creating memories..Spend this day.. not at a grave stone or in lonely thoughts, but rather take this Day as a celebration of many days to make dreams come true. U dont have follow in footsteps or a path less traveled,, create your own path so thats other may follow,, keepin u in my toughts,,, Nancy

  17. Tom,Regarding last names, it is important. My parents divorced when I was young and I was later adopted by my step father. Even though I grew up with the same name as my step-father, I never really felt like I fit in. My bio father’s family never knew me. It was like I was a child with no name. Years later, I grew up, married, had a child, divorced and remarried. Even though it would be much easier for my son to have the same name as my husband and I, it is his right to keep his father’s name. (And as easy as I would make my life, I would never do that to his father) As a point of information, I kept my ex-husband’s (child’s!!) last name along with my married name. It made things much easier for my son and helps when it comes to hospitals and the like. It should not be my child that is forced to change. I re-married, not him. He had little choice in the matter. I should accomodate my son first. Thankfully, my husband is also a single parent and understood. The road to single parenthood is hard, but as hard feelings subside, it does get easier. The bad talk and hurtful actions only hurt your child. I hope things get easier for all of you. Happy Father’s Day.

  18. My son has his father’s name…. but rarely sees his father, more to the point, his father rarely see’s him because of "other priorities" in his life. I have remarried and my husband has been his dad, he’s there when he’s sick, needs a hug, to play ball, to teach him about tools and gross bug’s and snake stuff. When I got married I had a talk with my son about how my last name would change (thinking he would worry that he would have to change his), I explained to him that when I married his father, I changed my name to his, I’m not married to him anymore and am married to Mick, so I’ll have his last name now. I reassured him he didn’t have to change his name, that was his name, he was born with it and his to keep. He looked at me and said "can I have Mick’s last name too?" I wasn’t prepared for that question, so I told him we would talk about it later, thinking like most 7 yr olds, he would forget about it. A week later he came in our room and said… can I change my last name? I think the reason he wanted to change his last name was because he wanted to have the same as my husband and I, we’re his family and so he thinks we should all have the same last name and felt left out. I tried to talk to his bio-father about it, but he was completely unreasonable. So I told my son he could have both last names, so that’s how we settled it. It’s not a legal change, but it doesn’t affect anything because he has his new last name first then his original last name last, but it means the world to him to have Mick’s last name.

  19. When my daughter was born, I was not married to her father and gave her my name. I somehow felt that I had cheated her, but after she lived with her father for a couple of terbulent years in her teens, and he locked her out of his house (and changed the locks!) for disobeying him shortly before Christmas in her senior year of high school, I think that she is glad that she doesn’t have his name. She recently passed her medical school entrance tests, and I am so very proud of her. She has indicated that she never wants anything to do with her father, who is a heavy drinker and has a big gambling problem.

  20. Names are so important. I chose to retain my married name when I divorced against the advice of friends and family. I do not like the confusion that children suffer because their last name is different from a parent’s. If I had remarried that may have been different, but I have not. At one point, my ex-husband objected strongly when he heard a student address me as Mrs. S…… He insisted I change my name immediately. I informed him that I had earned the right to be called Mrs. S…and that I was sticking with it. I do not like Ms. and although single I do not consider myself, as a mom of nineteen years, to be a Miss. I work with teens and I listen to the pain caused by thoughtless parents who put themselves before their children. And before everyone becomes offended, I do realize that sometimes people choose to change the name as a way of protecting a child rather than because they are thoughtless or don’t care. I’m talking about the ones who make the choice in bitterness without weighing the options. You raise a child for eighteeen years. If you’ve done the job right, then they are ready to take care of themselves. Then go ahead and be selfish and change your name back to your maiden name if you can’t stand to be called by your married name…but give your children a fighting chance. They struggle enough with identity issues without confusing the matter with separate names. I realize that in today’s society my viewpoint is considered archaic. I’m not a feminist. I do believe that women can be a father and a mother to a child ( and vice-versa), but I also feel that the child can only benefit from positive role models of the missing gender in their family…either male or female. I made sure that my daughter had positive male role models as well as making sure that she stayed connected with her father’s family. He divorced me, not his child. His family did not lose a cherished family memeber and did not have to struggle with remembering what to call her or how to address an envelope to her. Her teachers were not confused by a parent at conferences who had a different name from the child’s on the transcript. Her father’s medical history is traceable as well as his government benefits. We bring a child in to the world because we have chosen to express our love for each other. Let’s not forget that in the middle of the bitterness. I realize that the pressure is on because you don’t have to pay additional fees to have your name legally changed if you do it at the time of the divorce. I thought my child deserved better. She’s my gift. The one good thing to come out of twelve years of abuse and bitterness. She’s a strong person in her own right now. I believe that is partly because I kept our names the same.

  21. In some respects I find last names very important, in others not so much. I chose to return to my maiden name after my divorce was final, although by daughter still carries her father’s. Like others who’ve commented have said, even when you’re a woman who relinquishes her name upon marriage, she’s still the same person she was before the change took place. Personally, I had problems remembering to call myself by my married name throughout the course of my marriage and the subsequent divorce proceedings because for me I had a hard time of letting go of a name I’d gone by for 20+ years. In the future, as my daughter gets older and understands more I’ll have to deal with the difficulties of explaining why our last names are different, presuming I’m still happily single at that point. I would love to be able to change my daughter’s name to the same as my own, but I doubt her donor would be too enthusiastic about the idea. As mean as it may sound, I usually refer to him as that, outside of her presence of course, because he’s one of the emotionally deadbeat dads of the world. She hasn’t seen him in more than 2 years (she was only 2 when she saw him last) and it’s been nearly a year and a half since she’s had any contact with him at all. While I may not always agree with some of what you’ve written here, I definitely admire your determination to be there for your son.AD

  22. Ironically, I am often being asked why I didn’t change my last name to my husband’s for this past 6 months or so(married for 3.5 yrs, run into this question many times just recently = P ). Speaking about my Last Name, I didn’t like my last name when I was around the age of 3rd grade since I rarely found peers had the same last name as I do. I didn’t want to be different. When I was a teenager, other than representing my family’s name, my last name didn’t mean anything to me. It’s just a name. As I grew up, I look back my life and found my last name does have a special meaning. And this special meaning is literally visible and obvious in my last name. I say and write it so often, so, I just had not realized and linked the literal meaning to the physical writing of the word. My last name pronounce “sh-ay” (it’s like ‘shake’ with k as silence.). When you are being served well and you want to say “Thank You” to a waiter/waitress when you go to a Chinese restaurant ^_* , you’d say “sh-ay sh-ay”~ Yes, my last name is “Thanks”; “Appreciations”. I look back my life. My life is like God blessed. I have a pair of loving parents. I came here in the U.S. all by myself and met many many nice people. I got to thank God, my parents, and all these nice people for even doing tiny little things for me. No matter how small it is. It does make difference. I couldn’t and still can’t believe how a coincident that “Appreciations” is engraved in my name. Now, my last name also serves as a reminder for me that I ought to appreciate every single person and thing happened in my life. When good things happen, appreciate the hearts behind and deeds. When bad things happen, appreciate the lessons are taught. When combining my last name with my Chinese first name, it even has a greater meaning. To make the story short I guess I’ll save it for next time or when I have my own MSN Space. My father never explicitly instructed us or pointed out “Because your last name is “Thanks”, you got to be thankful”. However, he did often teach us to “be carrying appreciations in your heart always”(a Chinese old saying). I don’t know if he feels the same way toward our last name as I do. As he is a Chinese father, sometimes what’s in his mind could be a mystery = P. If I am to make efforts to look for reasons of not changing last name, the “Tradition” could be one of them. In Taiwan, women used to put husband’s last name on top of their own last name, thus a married woman’s name would consist of 4 words.(Typically, a Taiwanese name consists of 3 words, Family Name + 2-word given name). About 30 or 40 years ago or even earlier, the government dismissed the law. Therefore, my mom keeps her own last name. By my mom’s generation I’d say about 90% or higher(cuz I could hardly think of any my mom’s friends put husband’s last name on top) of women in Taiwan does not change the last names. In my generation, it’s not a surprise that changing last name after marriage never come across a woman mind(I can say it’s100%). However, once a woman is married, she will still be introduced or called Mrs. Husband’s Last Name in social occasions. If someone wants to pay respect or call a married woman in a polite way, he/she will say “Mrs. Husband’s Last Name”, “Aunty Husband’s Last Name”, or “Mother Husband’s Last Name”. If I am to make a little more efforts to look for reasons of not changing last name, my father has no sons could be one of them. Since my father is the first son in his family and I have no brothers, it does make sense keeping my family name could make the family name last longer. As we are in the 21st Century, I think carrying a last name may not as meaningful as carrying on a spirit. As long as I will be able to pass the spirit of “be carrying appreciations in your heart always” on to my kids, I think it will be good enough and my father will be happy, too. If I am to make a little more extra efforts to look for reasons of not changing last name, I filed my immigration paper with my own last name could be one of them. Due to the odd spelling of my last name and confusing translation of my first name, I am already being written and pronounced in so many different “COMBINATIONS”. It’s probably a good idea to not adding any more confusions into this massive “COMBINATIONS”! = ) When my husband and I got married, we learned that we “both” got a chance to change last name. My husband got a wild idea of changing both our last name to an Americanized last name, a “Jackson”, a “Huston”, a “Hanks”, a “Spielberg” or ..something else. As long as it’s not a “Sxxxrn” (Sorry, no offensive, just personal preference. = P ) When I thought of the stunning face that the other party may have when he/she is trying to associate an Americanized name to an Asian, we both couldn’t stop laughing. Therefore, this idea stays in my imagination….. Ok! I can’t believe my last name story is this long. No wonder I feel tired from typing, and when people ask me about keeping my last name, I usually don’t know where to start. = ) . So, now you know, next time when you meet another person has the same family name as I do, no matter you say his/her family name b4 the given name or after the given name, you are actually “Thanking” him/her! Haaaaaaaaa~~ = D I often reply with “You are welcome” and leaving this other person with Question MarkS on top of his/her head! ^^Happy Father’s Day~

  23. My last name is important to me and always has been. When I got married, I didn’t change my last name. When my daughter was born, I gave her my husband’s last name. He left when she was 7 months old and hasn’t been seen since. By the time she was 2, I had changed her name to mine. She is now 10 years old and my last name is the only name is remembers. I would hate to be constantly reminded about my ex-husband and his lack of support with our child by seeing his name anywhere near my daughter. I can hope that she won’t change her name when she gets married but that will be her decision. I would never chnage mine.


  25. My name means very little to me. I got it from my father, whom i respect. But the name means nothing. Merely a way to trace my lineage, which i really don’t care about. I know my Grandparents and my parents, and all relatives inbetween. And that’s pretty much all that matters. The name is only used to identify me with my parents, which means nothing again. I feel that i would be no different should my name be any different, and i would be perfectly content with no name. Overall, the name means very little. Just a way to fill up space on the paper.

  26. My last name is very important to me. I haven’t changed it to my married name because it is that important to me. My husband and I agreed that I would add his name just as he became an important addition to my life.

  27. Interesting question/topic. When I married, I happily took on my exhusband’s last name. I was completely in love with him and his last name is much easier than mine to pronounce and spell. (Think something easy like Jones compared to nearly any German last name!) 10 years, four kids later when we separated, the kids were only 3-9 years old. At the time, I thought that they were young enough that they would not understand if mommy got a different last name then them. I didn’t want them to feel like I was divorcing them. Most people in my field knew me by the married last name. Fast forward about 10 more years. Soon after my mom passed away, I went to see the headstone we had gottne for both of our parents. It was beautiful. As I stood looking at it, I thought you know, I like that last name and that’s who I really am. So, I started the process of changing it back. People are kind of curious as to why I would want to change it after all this time. I just kind of shrug and say… it just feels right. My kids all understand and have even at times aksed for their last names to be changed to my maiden name. It’s so complicated! It will be interesting when school starts up again and all the students have to get used to using my "new" name.

  28. I am married and took my husbands last name HUSSEY. I have a daughter too. My daughtr nieces sister in law al have this last name and sure every once in a while you get teased once in a while.. BUt his happens with your first names picked out has well. And the last name is very popular in Ireland. And she is going to tolook for her dad some day and the last name maybe her only link to that. I thik you should teach her to proad of it and keep telling her dad does love you in his own way.. Its up to you to teach her that she is loved by both her parents and to be proad of were she comes from even if dad is nt in the picture.

  29. I have to say every child needs their dads last name. here is my story after my first marraige broke up and i lived as a single mom for 6 years my two oldest have their dads last name but in 1995 i had another child in the state of Texas you cant add the father on the birth certificate but you can give your child their fathers last name anyway I was having my 3rd child and I gave her her dads last name. Today he and I are raising our daughter together (-8 months we were not together because of an affair he had, But we worked thru that and we are back together now) I am proud of my kids. My first husband wouldnt let me see our kids for 12 years. Now I see them once a year I have to go to Texas to see them because he wont let them come to Nebraska to visit me. anyway I think last names mean alot because I dont know my real dad or his name. I wasnt given his last name at birth. but the name of my mothers first husband. and I at 39 years old think this was unfair to me! I had the right to have his last name and to know him.

  30. It’s very important. I know my entire family history, and can trace my family back 20 generations. So when my son was born, I choose to give him my last name, instead of his fathers, despite the difficulties it may cause with military benifits. B/c I know if I push the issue it won’t matter if Lennon is a Daigle or a Heard. Beacuse Jon has Lennon’s name on all the right paper work.

  31. I think that I have a say in why my son’s last name is the same as MY family. After all, I was the only one in the room when I gave birth to him. From the day that his "father" found out that I was pregnant with his child, he has denied having anything to do with him. This from the man that spent the better part of two years beating the crap out of me. My son is the very reason I was born, and I would rather die than have my son be any more a part of this man than a last name. My son knows what his father looks like, what his first name is, and when he is 18, I will tell him which jail his father is in for criminal non-support payments. That is all that last name deserves, in my opinion. He didn’t help raise him. He didn’t help support him. He didn’t care enough to love him. Yes, I gave plenty of chances for him to establish a relationship, all to be rebuffed. He can now see him when hell freezes over. I will not allow my son to feel any disappointment with regards to that sub-human being. So, in response to how I feel about father’s last names being passed on…if you are an active part, you have helped support, take care of, love, and are a positive presence to your children, by all means. If you aren’t, it should be the mother’s choice. Or the child’s, if they are old enough to make the choice. Yes, I am still bitter.

  32. I find it hard to let go of my last name. My husband and I married sort of shotgunish, and neither families were there. I didnt change my name then because we said we were going to have a big family celebration back home, and my dad would properly give me away. Well, that of course never happened, and we just kept going on with life. Five years later, and I still have my last name, and I dont know if I really want to change it. I love my husband, but do I really want to give up my last bit of identity? There was no hesitation when our son was born that he would get my husbands last name, and any other children we may have, but is it so bad that I don’t want to change? I know my husband doesnt like it, and his family feels like I dont want to be apart of them because of it, but still I just cant bring myself to do it. Anyway, I just wanted to share that I love my last name!!

  33. I think a father’s last name is very important when it comes to their children, girl or boy.I gave my oldest daughter her dad’s last name ( even though we never married) I didn’t think twice about it.My husband’s daughter was not born with his last name. Biomom wouldn’t give their child his last name because he wouldn’t marry her.It took until their daughter was 4 years old to get her last name hyphenated with his last name.It was a long battle and it cost my husband $$$ to fight the Biomom.It was important to my husband for his little girl to have his last name…Our Children do have his last name, of course, and my oldest daughter’s name is hyphenated too, to reflect my married last name and her dad’s.~~~*Michele*~~~

  34. hi Tom the kids having the fathers last name is important so in later life when the kids want to find there biological father it wont be so hard for them if they have the real last name (in my case)But i allready know that my ex wife changed my kids last name for school and yes in Canada its illegal but only if you get caught,,,,her mem did the same thing with my ex when she was a child her parenst split and my ex wife had to take on her MOMS boyfriends last name i know its a vicious circle and i was hopeing it would end but it dont seem like its going to the only thing about changing there names illegally is when they graduate college they have to do it in there FAMILY/MAIDEN name my ex wife had to go back to her maiden name..p.s hey Tom why do women have to be so cold and heartless when seperation comes and to tell the kids that daddy is a piece of shit and a lowlife WHY CANT they just keep the diffrences to themselves instead of getting the kids involved….FOR WHOEVER READS THIS please for gods sake keep the kids out of the line of fire.the kids love mommy as well as daddy and dont need to be told who they should love more Obviously you dont know what the kids are thinking they want to know was it somthing THEY did to split the parents up.,and they dont need to take sidessorry Tom ,,,,,i got off track for awhile

  35. Hi, there again!! Got your message, wasn’t expecting messages from anyone (got it late). Well, thank you for your reply. I certainly appreciate that. Thank you for the kind comment about my son, as well. Looks like we have something in common – our children are adorable!! Hey, about last names, well, as you know, I am a single Mom, and no matter how much I loathe the father of my son (haven’t seen him in over 4yrs) I still gave my son his correct lineage last name. It is important for my son to know of his heritage. Many people asked me if I was going to give him my last name. ‘Why?’, I asked. If he wants to change it later on in his life…..he will have that choice. I left his "dad" when he was 6mos. old. Choices…..we all have them in this life…..I was not raised to be treated poorly by anyone by any means, also, was not raised to live his kind of lifestyle. We are doing great! Health good, financially stable, and living a clean lifestyle. My love to you and yours…..CForrester

  36. Hi, there again!! Got your message, wasn’t expecting messages from anyone (got it late). Well, thank you for your reply. I certainly appreciate that. Thank you for the kind comment about my son, as well. Looks like we have something in common – our children are adorable!! Hey, about last names, well, as you know, I am a single Mom, and no matter how much I loathe the father of my son (haven’t seen him in over 4yrs) I still gave my son his correct lineage last name. It is important for my son to know of his heritage. Many people asked me if I was going to give him my last name. ‘Why?’, I asked. If he wants to change it later on in his life…..he will have that choice. I left his "dad" when he was 6mos. old. Choices…..we all have them in this life…..I was not raised to be treated poorly by anyone by any means, also, was not raised to live his kind of lifestyle. We are doing great! Health good, financially stable, and living a clean lifestyle. My love to you and yours…..CForrester

  37. This is the first BLOG I’ve ever entered information into. I was searching for some type of guidance on what to do when the mother of your child is dead set on not having the father’s name (my last name…Taylor) as the the child’s last name. Since before her birth, I have been enthralled with the idea of having a daughter. The mother would not speak to me and still won’t, only through emails…and my daughter is almost 2!!! I have never done wrong by her…that is to say never cheated, hit, or did anything to hurt her intentionally…we just didn’t work as a couple, but yet having a child. She kept me out of the room when Avery, my daughter, was born. She has fought me in court for more money, lawyer fees, and tried her best to smear me in front of the judge. Needless to say, without going into the details, MY DAUGHTER HAS MY EX-GIRLFRIENDS LAST NAME. I bothers me because of all of the reasons everyone has posted on here. It hurts me to know that she has a different name other than her fathers. I am the last male in my family, and even though her name will change when she gets married, I want her to know, at least in namesake, that her father is there. I don’t get to see her much (standard visitation, even though I have done nothing to deserve such little time) and I want her to know that I am there no matter what happens…and her having my last name is a way for her to know that. Is there anyone here that can tell me how to go about changing her name? Could I fight it in court? On what grounds other than what I have just explained? Michelle, or "1HõtMâmáX4", said that her husband spent $$$$ on a lawyer to get his daughters name changed. I hope someone can give a hurting single father some worthwhile advice…………..Avery’s Father

  38. I kept my fathers last name when I married back in 1987.  As time when on I never felt any desire to change it to my (ex) husbands.  When we had children it made sense to me that they would have their fathers last name.  Even after our divorce, it still makes sense to me that our children would carry their fathers name.

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