A comment left by Kelly Brought up an important point. Single moms who have to be the dad as well deserve all the respect in the world. It is very hard to be a parent and having to be both shows the integrity of these women.
These women should take offense to those who choose to go in to court claiming to live all alone and have no money. In reality they have someone paying all their bills. When guys mentions this in court the judges say he’s just jealous. They can’t support themselves and still they get custody. I was not jealous one bit of my ex’s boyfriends. I just thought they should have to disclose this extra income. If the woman was to apply for state help the state would require this disclosure and lying to them is a felony.
I write from a guys prospective and must admit that some men ARE guilty of this too.
30 Replies to “Moms As Dad Too”
I hope you have a Happy Fathers Day. It is hard being a single parent whether you’re a mother or a father I believe. I think the hardest is if you’re the parent without custody. Just my opinion of course. I have always had custody of mine, but I’ve always made the time for mine…not all parents do. Those parents…I despise. Have a nice day.Debi
Hi – I just read the comment from Kim regarding speaking to your ex more than your son. From a 2-line post, she sounds like one of the moms sitting on a luxurious child support & alimony check every month. The type of woman that has exploited the system, knows it, yet is the first to say that we Dads are more interested in talking bad about our ex’s.I must say that I will never say a bad word about child support – I would gladly pay any amount necessary to help raise my child. Alimony is archaic, unnecessary, and unfair. If I have to work to support my child, my ex-spouse should also. In very rare cases (stay-at-home mom from day 1 w/ no education or work experience), I believe it should be warranted. When a mom has some education, experience, and has held a job – it should be on her to maintain her way of life, not mine.I don’t want to get too far off subject. The reason, I believe, that some dads spend a lot of time writing about their experiences with their ex-wives is out of frustration. We want to be dads, we want to spend every minute we can with our kids – but custody is often decided by some angry man or woman who is happy to be divorced and happy that they only have to be a part time parent.I haven’t read all of the posts on this site, but plan to – and I plan on starting my own Space. Some of my experiences mirror those that I’ve read here so far, and some go way past (judge calls off the hearing because it’s lunch time and HER stomach was rumbling, for example).I’ve included my email address for those women who are surely going to want to blast me for my comments regarding alimony. Feel free. Tom G, I’ve included it so you can contact me directly if you want – I’m sure we have plenty of stories to swap, and it’s always good to have somebody on your side who has been there and knows what you are going through.- Todd
Your son is adorable. You should be proud that something so wonderful came out of your failed relationship. I too have just come out of yet another failed relationship leaving a child split between two homes. Out of respect, I would and could not imagine being disrespectful to my ex in regards to anything that has to dowith our daughter. We had our problems, but the key word is "we". You have every right to filter through your emotions. So what that it is through your blog. Feedback from how you feel is good as well. I see by some of your entries that you are trying to be respectful to those who respond. That tells a lot about you. If you ever want to talk, please drop me a line. I hope your heart finds itself healing. email@example.com
Happy Father’s Day. Cherish all the time that you do get with your son. I am dealing with being a single parent, being both Mother and father to my 4. I was in the process of divorce when my husband decided that even his children weren’t worth living for and so he comitted suicide. Now I am left dealing with everything. It’s hard. I am in a relationship where my fiance has children with ex- wives. They make visitation so difficult for him. It’s like they are punishing everyone because they can’t get on in their life. I see how it affects the children, and he usually is the one who loses out as he doesn’t want to hurt the kids.Those parents who have primary custody…even if you are angry with your ex spouse, please do still teach your children to honor their other parent on their special days like Mother’s/ Father’s day and their birthdays. It’s teaches the child respect and love. Have a good day,E
I just wanted to wish you a very happy Fathers Day!! 🙂
MOM IS NOT A DAD – NATURAL ORDER SUPERCEDES CULTURAL FLAWS & MISGIVINGS.Moms are not dads, I protest this cute, quirky twist on phraseology in much the same way I refuse, as a single dad, to have friends and relatives foist mother days adulations on me as they state well-intended platitudes about a single dad being every bit the maternal force absent from the child’s life while in my household.I object to this blurring of the lines of distinction because it is harmful to children by more deeply entrenching the flawed judgement which enables our society to look the other way while a rampantly divorce-crazy society emasculates the American Family Unity by methodically devaluing, even villifying the institution of fatherhood.Where on 6/18/2005 it was written:>>Moms As Dad Too: A comment left by Kelly Brought up an important point. Single moms who have to be the dad as well deserve all the respect in the world.<<The problem with divorce is that "The Best Parent For A Child is Both Parents". A single parent cannot provide the same, ballanced representation of interplay between genders as does the interaction of a father and a mother (even when that interplay is not the best quality).Parents deserve respect period. Single mom or single dad – if you are a good parent then you are a good parent, but why try to erase the fact that you are that, a monad doing the best job you can as a "single" parent – not both rolled into one.Doesn’t that two in one idea kind of devalue one or the other role by pretending it can be destroyed through assimilation?>>It is very hard to be a parent and having to be both shows the integrity of these women.<<These women ARE NOT BOTH. It is emotionally abusive to force children to believe that "mommy" is a "daddy-and-mommy-all-rolled-into-one".>>These women should take offense to those who choose to go in to court claiming to live all alone and have no money.<<ANYONE should take offense to the current abuses inherent in the so-called "Family Law" System, because it is part of an overall aperatus which dismantles families creating dependency in anyone who gets granted a "support-order".>>In reality they have someone paying all their bills.<<Anyone who recieves a "support-order" is liable to become someone who has all their bills paid for them, starting with the fact that they have a de facto check coming to them every month from the non-custodial parent, then there is social service handouts and the laundry list reads on from there.>>When guys mentions this in court the judges say he’s just jealous. They can’t support themselves and still they get custody. I was not jealous one bit of my ex’s boyfriends. I just thought they should have to disclose this extra income. If the woman was to apply for state help the state would require this disclosure and lying to them is a felony.<<The reality is not so easy. The customary order includes a "restraining" order which includes that because the mom said that the dad looked corss-eyed at her, and because she was afraid that he might hurt her, the presumption of the court is the best interest of the child, therefore the court will restrain dad from keeping mom under surveillance.Any attempt on dad’s part to prove to the court that mom is conducting felonious activity will cause the court to hang his time with his child over his head as mob-style leverage to shut the long distiance child-support beneficiary up and keep him from trying to "act" like a dad.>>I write from a guys prospective and must admit that some men ARE guilty of this too.<<You write from a guys perspective – are you a guy? That’s the only way you can write from a guy’s perspective. Imagine a man trying to write about domestic violence from a woman’s perspective…
I found your blog by surfing. I haven’t had a chance to read everything but I do want to wish you a Happy Father’s Day Tom. I have been a single mom for years without child support and state assistance. I raised my 3 daughters alone. I never kept them from their father, it was strictly his choice. I hope your ex-wife will realize the importance of your son having a relationship with her as well as you. That is a void that affects so many children in this world. I honestly believe that a child should have the opportunity to be raised by both parents even if it is two different households. It is possible….I will continue to read as you post…I lost my father over Memorial Weekend and I know how much him being a part of my life meant to me even though he and my mom divorced years ago. Sincerely,Crissy
I agree with a required disclosure of additional household income. My husband and I divorced not long ago. If I would have taken the child support required by the paperwork, he would not have been able to start over again. I personally feel that BOTH parents should be responsible for supplying that income, (it doesn’t always come immediately, especially if you’ve been a stay at home mom). I also disagree with the state taking a portion of the child support, or fining parents who willfully pay child support to make up for those who don’t. If they want to assess an administrative fee for child support, it should be assessed at the time of divorce, or in both divorced/unmarried parents taxes at the end of the year. I am a single mother of three children, so these words don’t come easily, it is hard, but it’s time to take responsibility, and stop acting like victims.
I love this blog and wish that my husband(whom I am separated from)cared about his kids as much. I haven’t divorced him yet hoping that he will get his act together and be the man I know that he is capable of being. It’s been almost two years since we separated and honestly I’m giving up. I hope that before he finds the road he doesn’t hurt to many more people along the way. I hope they never have to deal with the pain of a broken family like me and my children do. You keep being there for your son. He will always remember.
Tom,Happy Father’s Day! The funny thing about parenting is that your child doesn’t really care if you are the mom or the dad – they just need a good parent, period. Being a good parent sometimes means that you have to live in a separate household from the other parent, and for some, it actually means that they can be a better parent. What child wants to hear their parents fight all the time?And yes, there will always be guys out there who don’t egularly make their child support payments or hide their income from their ex. Be assured that there will also always be women out there who inappropriately exercise their ability to give birth if it means that they won’t have to work as hard to make a living. Imagine how much better the life of the child would be if the parents focused all their energy on fostering happiness in the life of their child instead of making their ex’s life a living hell just because. Do you really think a child feels any less or more loved if the child support payment is $100 less or $100 more each month?If someone were to ask your child when they are 30 years old what do they remember most about their parents while they were growing up, would you rather they say "playing ball with my mom in the backyard" or "Dad reading the same Mercer Mayer book to me over and over again" OR "mom saying that we couldn’t go the movies because Dad wouldn’t give her extra money" or "Dad being angry all the time because the more overtime he worked, the more money he had to pay to my mom".Just be the best parent you can be to your child – no matter how much or how little you have.
Hi, I am 23yr old widowed mother. I lost my husband when my daughter was 3 wks old, and she wasn’t even out of the hospital for a full week. I am 100% in favor of equal rights for divorced parents. And in my home state that is usually granted. But, I do disagree with you on two things. First, I don’t thing single parents should have to report their girlfiriends or boyfirends income. I live w my boyfriend who has a wonderful job, that pays well. But the fact is, we’re not married and she is not his dependant.And I don’t have a wonderful job; it’s not my money or my nice house. I do get financial aid for school and medicaid for my daughter, and they know I live w him. But, it doesn’t matter bc for the simple fact she isn’t his daughter. If that should bc accounted for, then when fathers remarry their wifes income should be considered in the child support payment. Which it doesn’t in at least my state. The second thing is even if my daughter takes his name, if we get married, and he adopts her. She still gets her social security death benefits from her father. You can find that on the social secuirty website if you like. I’m not being rude, just stating the facts I know and my opinions.Thanks,Carla in Illinois
I like this blog. My ex has residential custody and i pay child support. The rotten thing is, i have to pay based on my income now which is substantially more than when we were married. I paid for myself to go through college after the divorce. In Il the definition of child support is money to keep the children’s lifestyle the same as if the parents never divorced, but if I had not gotten divorced I would have never been "allowed to go to school". I did not "lose custody" I let them stay with him since I knew I would not be able to care for them at that time due to working two jobs and going to school full time.It’s the worst when my girls need clothes, go to the dentist or the doctor, since my ex won’t do these things i have to and then i don’t get the money back. So on top of support i pay for alot of the other stuff also. I can’t take it out of the support because he would take me to court for non payment. I can’t get him to pay without the consequence being seeing the girls less.It makes me angry how the residential parent has all the power and we are at the mercy of the unfair court system. I just do whatever is necessary to make my girls life as normal as possible. Thank you for letting me vent a little.Tracy
I just saw started reading a few of the things people have wrote. I thought I would throw in my opinion. I am a single Mom of two boys, 10 and 15. I am in the process of going through my divorce, I have been separated for 1 1/2 years. I am the one who asked for the divorce. My exhusband spends very little time with the boys and currently does not pay any child support. I give him access to the children at anytime. I would even take the boys to him if he asked. I don’t know why he doesn’t spend time with them. I haven’t figured that out. But I am fine with it because I love having my boys around.The subject of Alimony is interesting. My exhusband was going after me for alimony (maintenance) because I made more money than he did. I left that job because the stress and impact it had on my boys. I spent too much time at work instead of at home. Now, he cannot get alimony. However, when it was being discussed I was frustrated by the fact I worked very hard at my job and I would have to pay my husband so much money a month for him to live when he is already making good money. I maybe one of the few women that does not believe in alimony. I am very determined to make it on my own. I wish my ex felt the same way that you do about your kids. A Dad is a very important part of a child’s life. I find it hard sometimes to compensate for both parents but I am doing that. I must say I am learning a lot!!!!
I am a married woman with a child, 3 years old. I support this forum for all parents, single or not. One thing I must say is that is usually enough blame to go around in any failed relationship, but the ones that are hurt the most are the children. I understand that a divorce can bring out the evil in any of us ( I went through a divorce, also), but what fries my butt is when the kids are used as pawns in the parental arguements. How can we, as adults, ensure we don’t do this to our kids?
I am a mom of 2 teenage girls, essentially a single mom. Their father constantly travels so is rarely here. It has gotten to a point that that’s fine with me.In any event….I am pro father’s rights. I believe in equally sharing the children. However, I have noticed over the years that children are merely pawns. Not to say that you and your ex are doing that. But, many separated and divorced parents do do that and I find it very frustrating. I do understand that there is anger and disappointment re’ the failed relationship. But, is it necessary that the children be put in the middle? I find that women do this more than the men, probably from feelings of lack of control. But, the problem is between the parents and not the child(ren). The children should have our undivided love and focus. I don’t think the courts do the children any favors, either. As my husband is more away than here, I am in no particular hurry to divorce. However, when the girls finish HS, I’m outta here! In the meantime, I enjoy my girls…even if he doesn’t.
I read you blog and it hits home. I read what you write and I feel your pain. I laughed when I read the headline called Moms as Dad too. My daughter at 24 months said to me one day, “Dad, you’re a mommy too!” I took that as a compliment. LOL. My daughters mother did not honor our decree for the 1st 18 months of her life. She is now 3.5 years old. Being denied access and the disrespectful ways of my child’s mother has changed me as a person. I’ve always been a kind and caring person, but the denials of access, it humbled my heart in such a way that only those who have experienced it knows how it feels. Those who haven’t experienced it, I explain it this way: 1.) It is the same as being denied a fundamental right to human freedom. During this time, I might as well been in some foreign jail with no way out. And, 2.) If you can imagine your child, mother, father, brother, sister, close friend or anyone close to you being kidnapped. You know where they are or maybe you don’t, but you can’t get to them. Access denial, it prevents you from enjoying those special moments that just happen because you are spending genuine time together. It prevents bonding time, it prevents laughter and it prevents you from doing the day-to-day things that most every married parent takes for granted. I’m a luckily man, the judge in my situation saw the benefit of our daughter having equal access to both parents. The court order says our daughter spends 4 days with dad and 4 days with mom. It’s a wonderful schedule under the circumstances of being a divorced parent. The cost in legal fees to accomplish this was about $15,000.00, that’s just my portion. I’m not a wealthy man, but did what I had to so my child would have an active father. The sad thing is there are many parents who want to have an active relationship with their child, but they can’t afford expensive legal bills and pay child support too. The other parent usually knows this and takes advantage of it. Children deserve two parents and equality in time with each when they have a responsible mother and father who both want an active in their child’s life. It’s all about the child anyway, right? I can speak from that standpoint because I grew up without and financial or emotional support from my dad, but I’ll save that for another time. As for your blog, its a great tool to educate those who don’t have a clue of what divorced parents have to deal with to be part of their childs life. May God bless you.
People are so judgmental! I am so thankful for the child support I get ever so regularly from my ex. I have been remarried for 5 years now but I must admit that we do struggle sometimes and these checks do help. I wish that we didn’t need the money but kids are extremely expensive! I don’t have a lot of skills because my ex and I had our son when we were so young. I work but it’s not a lot of money and the health insurance takes most of it. So, to those who think that these payments just fund a cushy life they need to think again. Most of the time we just get by… by just enough.Kudos to you for staying part of your son’s life. That is a value he won’t know until he is grown. Enjoy his childhood while you can. He’s beautiful!
I just read this blog, and i think tom is in a catch 22 with ssi. I used to be a single mom before i remarried and i was forced to survive on just child support. i wanted to get a job, but how do you pay childcare up front if you haven’t gotten a paycheck yet? I couldn’t get food stamps or anything from the state because i couldn’t prove how i was able to afford my rent and utilities on just child support, by the grace of God is how but that is not a good enough answer for the state. the system sucks! tom if you read this, i think your ex is a bitch! why do mothers use their children as a pawn to hurt their ex? my husbands ex wife does this repeatedly, she tells the kids he does not love them if he can’t take them at her convenience. I have children and i hurt for them if someone at school is mean to them or doesn’t like them, how much more would it hurt them to think their own dad didn’t love them! why would anyone be so cruel to their own children? while i do think women need child support, i think the goverment should reward the dad’s who do pay it by making child support tax deductable, after all, the reciever of child support gets that money tax free! why shouldn’t the payer get some thing possitive out of the deal?
Regardless of gender, it is difficult to be a single parent, deal with everyday issues, address issues of the ex, and try to be a person with self-respect. You sound as if you have found a means of venting. A good thing. Kudos! It means you are a healthier person. I like how you have ASKED (not commanded or ordered) your ex to respond calmly with any objections she may have—offering her an equal opportunity to vent. Again–kudos! Children are a blessing. They are not pawns to be used in power struggles. They are our greatest joys and our hardest challenges. Many people purport to be advice specialists. Weigh everything carefully….use those grains of salt…use your instincts because yes men have them also…and love the blessing that God granted both of you. Logan is your silver lining!
I just wanted to commend you on everything you are doing- your life, your son, this blog. It takes a lot of courage to put everything out there for perfect strangers to read and sometimes (even worse) people you know. You’re the epitome of ups and downs. Your family is beautiful. Hang in there, be strong, you’re in my thoughts and prayers.
Hello there. I am a 13 year old girl. I am being raised the same way as your son. My parents divorced when I was a couple months old. I have been living with my Dad ever since. You are very brave. Being a single parent is hard but common these days. I know you shall many happy days with your child. But let me tell you something…last name is important to a kid. I don’t know why but it is. I have 2 last names…my Mom’s and my Dad’s. I am proud of both them. So be careful on that subject. I hope you have a happy father’s day and continue to have a good life.
I have a ten-yr old daughter with my ex-husband. I was married to her father for eight years and he is the perfect dad. Even though we did not get along while we were married (we hated each other) we are very good friends now. He has paid faithfully for the last seven years and has carried life and health on her. Even though we live 900 miles apart he plays a big role in her upbringing. She goes to visit him every summer and for the Christmas season. Normally, he is supposed to have every other Christmas. Knowing how much he loves her and how little he gets to see her, I have given up my Christmas’ to him. My 7-yr old son’s father is a whole different story!! I have raised my son by myself since he was born. The day I told his father that I was pregnant – he walked out on me. He is a major deadbeat! He has not paid child support in almost three years and before that he was only paying half of what he owed. He has had no contact with him in over 1 1/2 years. He does not pay his court appointed cs nor does he call to talk to his son. For his 5th birthday I had to beg him to even make him a card out of plain printer paper. He is living in a $233,000 home and he cannot even pay child support. I have tried to go through Child Support Recovery – they are not organized and have lost my application numerous times. I have finally accepted that it is not meant for me to go that direction.Being a single mom is hard. I was laid off over a year ago and ended up filing for bankruptcy because I had gotten so far behind in all of my bills and needed to save my house. Being a mother and father to my son is tough. Trying to explain why his sister has a daddy who loves her and calls her all the time is even tougher! I have finally met the man I have been praying for. We were married a week ago and he wants to adopt my son. He finally will have a daddy who wants him and loves him. I am now finally able to afford an attorney and will have to go back to Texas to take him to court for back support. I also will have his rights removed so that my husband will be able to adopt him. I will not know what the full impact of what his father has done to him until he is older. He is such a sweet loving little boy. I am so lucky to have him. If you love your son as much as you say you do (I am sure you do) – do everything in your power to let him know that you love him. Your ex cannot take that love away from you. Tell him everyday – send him letters. They love to receive letters. You are lucky to have your son – enjoy him and hopefully your ex will come around and realize what a great father you are! Happy Father’s Day!!
Wow, Kim is VERY opinionated. Don’t get me wrong, having an opinion is great, but she seems to be very very close to being outright rude. Tom, I just found your posting and think that you speak the truth about a lot of things. Let’s be honest, when you think of your child you tend to think of their other parent. You seem to just be expressing what you feel and that is what this is all for. Yes…Logan is mostly what you want to write about but other things do come up. Tom, I feel your pain and hope that things work out for you. I am a woman with no children, but have been married twice to men with children. My ex was a dead beat dad that didn’t even want his parental rights. I had to go get his child myself. This is the main reason that he is my ex! I could not stay with someone that was like that. My current husband is from England and has two wonderful children that he has spent 6 years fighting for. He has done everything for his children and was there when their mother left them to run off with another man. He was the one to cuddle them when they cried and cared for them when they are sick. But somehow in there wonderful wisdom the English courts decided she was much more suited to raise them. She then moved outside of the county with the kids and did not give a forwarding address or anything. When my husband took her to court over this they just let it go. Then once we found out where she was, she refused to let him see the kids even though it was a part of the last agreement. He hasn’t seen either child in over 4 years and has not talked to them via phone or mail in the last 3 years. She doesn’t even give them the cards and letters that we send. Since we live here in America it is a losing battle and we honestly do not have the money to keep fighting. I have been with him for 5 years and I have never even met my step children. All I can say is hang in there and keep fighting. Hopefully your ex will see what she is doing to everyone and grow up!Happy Father’s Day to you and every father out there that really tries to be the best daddy they can be!Lesley
God I am so offended by all this. I have been alone with my kids since February 2002. I have been supporting both kids BY MYSELF since they were BORN. My ex was NO HELP whatsoever, financially, only choosing to get a job a month before I finally left him for good (after 7 years of unemployment). I WISH I could go back and get all the child support my children deserve, maybe they could go to college without having to borrow or earn scholarships. I HATE those women who refuse to support their progeny. I was a WAITRESS when I got pregnant with my first child. When I became pregnant time #2, I decided, NOBODY IS GOING TO SUPPORT ME AND MY CHILDREN BUT ME, so I went to college, earned a MASTER’S DEGREE, and now I own my own home, and make a really nice living for myself. I am not rich. We don’t live in Summerlin (the "best" place to live in Las Vegas). But we have a nice life and we are happy. We are not on welfare and we are not struggling. If you cannot support the children you are having, you should not be having them, ladies. You should not depend upon a MAN, because anything could happen. I am sorry to ALL MEN, who pay child support and do not have the opportunity to have equal rights with their children. I wish we had the luxury of a good bio father in our lives. Thank GOD, for the amazing man we have. We are lucky in that way. Happy Father’s Day to all the Good Dads and the Good Moms.
this is very interesting..but also sad for all concerned…heres hoping it all comes together for you all.
To Jam Daddy, as a victims advocate for a domestic violence program I can tell you there are men that live that tragic life too. That’s not even mentioning the same sex couples that go through that too. There is quite a lot of generalizations ive read on these posts. As a single MOM of three sharing custody of my boys, I HAVE had to act as mom and DAD on several occasions because DAD was too busy for the most part, "online dating" As a single parent to my daughter for four years before I remarried, I can tell you that I acted as MOM AND DAD to her for that period of time. On another issue of this post as a now single mom of three, I am currently dating someone, he very rarely spends time with my children, he never spends the night at my house when they are here, he never gives me money to assist with my household income because I WONT LET HIM! As a single, fulltime WORKING mom of three, I get no assistance, no one pays MY BILLS but me! Please people, don’t confuse your children, don’t put your own personal life ahead of theirs. You have a responsibility to raise them, teach them and love them and you must try to put your own love life needs AFTER their need for YOU. It forever frustrates me to see newly single moms having their boyfriends move in right away after a divorce or WORSE before or during. How horrible for children! Please think of your children first.God blessEchoo
well i can’t say anything about that but i just wanted u to know how special my mom is to me scince my dad passed away my mom has been playing two roles one as a mom and the other as a dad the raised me and loved me ever scince and she tell me i’m the reason thats shes living and that she loves me and i appresiate everything shes done 4 me then till now, i never told her any of this but i hope she become happy with her new love and hope he never turns his back on her not now not ever, and if they do get merried, i wish they be happy forever and never leave eachother……mom you’re the best and i love you…..and even though i get jelous of ur love sometimes i know that he loves you and you love him an i should respect and understand that……sory if this was alittle out of toppicRegards, MiMo
Thanks. I am a single mom with a son 4 years of age. Teaching him to be a man may serve quite trying. I just hope that I can do the best I can. Thanks again.CForrester19September 2005
I just want to say that I am a single mom and have had to fight through court just to get my ex to pay min. wage child support which is law in texas. That is $320 per month. Thats not even half of what it cost to put a child in full time day care so that I coudl work fulltime to support us. What you are saying about someone living off of there boyfriend means squat! When I ask for child support and my ex is living off of another woman who makes $50k+ a year that isn’t included as his income even though it affects his way of life and available income so I don’t see why you think another man would be accountable for supporting your child. ??? I’m just letting you know because I have been 2 years in and out of court and I’m not at all trying to be rude. Good Luck to You.
Kelly, I’m a single mom too with a 3 year old son and have been fighting my ex for child support but I have to tell you that your LUCKY. The state min where I live is $50 A MONTH, and I get $72 a month when I’m lucky. That doesn’t even pay 1 week of my child care. I know how much it sucks to be in and out of court and tring to get what you deserve but you really should be happy with how much you recieve. Also my ex doesn’t have a girlfriend that makes $50k but he lives at home with his parents has no bills and makes more then me, try to figure out how that is fare to us.