Me and Christmas

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Hi, I’ve been working on this for a while about why Christmas is not a big deal for me. I know your thinking how can I not like it. Well I do, it’s just that I don’t have good memories of it. I was only with my parents until I was eight ant I can not remember one single thing I got from them for Christmas or Christmas at all! We were very poor and maybe they did but I just do not remember. I thought long and hard through every memory of my time with them and could not remember anything of Christmas. No trees, no waiting for Santa to come or anything. I do not write this to make them look bad, we, like I said, were poor. I sometimes wish I could just to have some to know what it is like to sit and talk of Christmas’ of the past.

When my Parents could no longer care for us kids they sent us to live with some Nuns and other kids to live. Christmas there was not much better. We did get gifts but they were from strangers they would send us with for the time off from school for the Holiday. The Nuns would have time away too so they would visit their relatives. The people we were sent with were parents of the kids in the Kindergarten the Nuns operated. I still speak to some of the people who took us into their hoes for the Holidays. One parent and her kids invited me and my family to their home for Thanksgiving. It was great to see old friends! The woman who invited us is now about 24? and the last time I saw her she was around 14? Now she is married and has a great Son. Life goes on, we all grow. These are the memories that I have to look back on in the years to come. Not as great as most peoples but it all I have.

I have not many family traditions either. I hear of some cool thing like leaving cookies & milk out for Santa or like going to Grandma’s house. What are some of yours, I’ love to read about them? I was hoping to start my own family traditions but not having my Son around for the Holidays have made this time of year not so much fun for me. I was hoping to learn how to celebrate with him Christmas morning. Just to see the look on his precious little face as he opens my gifts to him. I have not been much of a Christmas person and this makes it worse.

People love to decorate too. I love to drive around to see all the cool homes lit up and decorated. I just can’t get onto doing it myself. I live alone and people ask me if I am getting a tree. I do not for myself but I have been in relationships where there was kids and I enjoyed going out with them to find and bring a tree home. I try to get out of decoration if possible because the Nuns had about 4- trees and we kids got to decorate them but hey told us where to put them all. That took all the fun out it. I also worked for a flower shop for about 5 years and at Christmas I had to do decoration all day as work. I miss those few times I got to enjoy it mostly when there was kids around to help and have fun with it. Take some pictures of your tree decorations and put them on your Space. I am, but not mine ’cause I probably won’t be getting one. It would bet there staring at me with my Sons gifts under it. Gifts I won’t get to see him open. Living alone I try not to think of it much and sometimes others think that I do not like Christmas. I do but I just would enjoy it more if I had someone to share it with like my Son.

This Christmas I have all of you to share it with and that will make it better than last years. I know a lot about allot of things but I could learn much about the Spirit of Christmas". I have the rest of my life to learn and improve…tom g

16 Replies to “Me and Christmas”

  1. Hello There….I’m just a passer-by…. your space is very nice.I hope that everything goes well with you and your family this Holiday season…Come by My Space sometime and drop a line or 2.Take care,-Ms_A$-

  2. I just posted something about Christmas memories. You make your own according to what’s special to you and your son. It doesn’t have to be what everyone else does.

  3. i was reading your space and thought that it is so great how much you are doing to stay a dad. not a lot of people are willing to do that. good job. one question off the subject….. why dont you drive? why do you always have to get a ride to pick up your son?just wondering…..

  4. Tom – put up a tree. It’s fun and an experience you can tell your son about. If you get to have a visit with him, you both can make ornaments for it. I know you like crafts and things to do with him. It will create a memory for both of you. Remember there will come a time when your son will be with you at Christmas. It could be soon or maybe not so soon, but it will definately happen. He will not be a little boy forever, and as sad as it is not to be able to share as much of his youth as you want, he will grow up and be able to make his own decisions. Thanks to you, he has a fighting chance of making good ones. Christmas is not just a day – but a season as such. Or if some people prefer "a holiday just isn’t a day, but a season". Since I’ve known you I’ve always admired your eagerness to help others. Helping to serve a Christmas or Holiday dinner will show you that you are not alone in your thoughts. A smile and some conversation with someone who is lonely is a gift.Just because you have no past memories doesn’t mean you can’t start now to make "past memories" that you can share verbally or physically with your son. Making ornaments, a midnight Christmas walk to see the lights, or even celebrating Christmas on a different day (a visit day).Moving forward rather than looking back is sometimes the only way I get through sometimes. I’m having a hard time this season – Empty nest syndrome is on it’s way. But even so, my memories may change with the years, but I keep making them.Take care Tom — you are in my thoughts and prayers.Deb

  5. Hi, I’ve been reading your space for a while, since it had been featured on MSN’s home page, actually. I certainly sympathize with your struggle to see your son, I hate that something awful for you. It seems like you would be the type of person to really embrace the Holidays if you had someone to share them with. Even though you don’t have your son, or may not even see him over the holidays, I think you should definitely put up a tree, wrap each and every gift to your son, pile them up, and leave that tree up until the next time he gets to see you. Whether it be 2 weeks or 2 months or 2 years, leave them right where they are, and the next time he gets to come see you….think of the awesome party you will have together. You can celebrate Christmas any day you choose! It doesn’t have to be Dec. 25! For me, of course, we recognize it as Christ’s birth, and we keep that first and foremost in our family. Of course we still do Santa and presents and all that, we just make sure our kids understand what it is that we are celebrating. But whether you view Christmas as the same thing, or as just a holiday to give gifts–either way, just do it when you can get him next! One other thing I was thinking about while reading your blog…since you seemed to be touched by the kind people who brought some joy into your life by sharing with you when you were a boy, have you ever thought about doing something like that? You could almost look at it like, maybe there is a reason you aren’t getting to have the access to your son that you would like, because you are "needed" elsewhere by some very underprivileged children like you were when you were little? There are kids out there right now who are probably like you and your family were, that will get absolutely nothing. So while you are picking out your son’s gifts, you could maybe get a couple of extra and wrap them up and, I don’t know…maybe go to some children’s homes, or something like that? Most stores and stuff have those "adopt a kid" programs where they give you sizes and all of children in need. Or maybe buy slippers for nursing home residents. I don’t know, I was just thinking, that it may help you feel better about the holidays to know that you are making a difference in someones life, young or old, by your giving and kindness. I just thought that even though it won’t take the place of having your son (by the way, I have a logan too, but he’s almost 3), it may help fill that emptiness and void. And someday, some child may grow up thinking, "there was once this nice man who made me feel so special one christmas, he couldn’t get his son, so he made up for it by being kind to me, and if he hadn’t I would have gotten nothing that year" I don’t know, just a thought. It always makes me feel good to help someone out. Would there be any way you could maybe have someone into your home for a Christmas dinner? Like a family down on their luck? Maybe go to the nearest homeless shelter or rescue mission or something. Or mabye a battered women’s shelter. I dont’ know. Just thoughts. Anyway, I sure hope everything turns out for you. Best of luck and Merry Christmas!God Bless YouSC

  6. Hi Tom..Haven’t been here in a while…Sorry Christmas can’t be a time for you and your son. I will be praying for you. Take care, Carrie

  7. I have no good memories of Christmas either I must say . I did write a bit about it on my blog but to suffice it to say Christmas to me only ment that for two weeks I didnt have school to escape to . When I became a mother however I wanted my children to have things to remember and hopefully to share with their children .Simple things are what they like the best . Every year we watch A Christmas story . We decided to incorperate a few more movies as well and are building up a collection . They also like baking with me and as silly as it sounds …we wrap the pictures on our wall to look like presents and then hang them back up as part of our decorating . They love it and so we do that every year as well . They like the ornaments and I give them a new one every year , we go on our great tree hunt and on Christmas morning someone gets to play Santa and wear the goofy Santa hat . It isnt big things and to others they might seem goofy but its building memories that they have and that I now have to replace the horrible childhood ones .

  8. Hi again Tom,Thanks for stopping by My Space. I am glad that you like it. We haven’t gotten any snow as of yet, I personally don’t that we are this year. Your son is so cute! I hope that you will have a good Holiday! Take care,-Ms_A$-

  9. Hi there!I would just like to say : I think you should have a tree for when your Son visits. Even if it is not fully decorated – finishing the decorations is always good to do with your kids.My middle daughter just loves craft projects & her current fav is to make ‘personlised’ Xmas ball decorations. You buy cheap plain hanging Xmas balls & write sum1’s name on them with pva glue – & then sprinkle glitter on the glue! You could make 1 for each other together & perhaps he could keep ‘Dads’ one, to hang on his tree at his Mother’s house.They also make great gifts for kids to give Grandma’s, Auntie’s etc. They don’t have to have names for decoration – just a squiggly pattern around in glitter looks just as good!I hope you like my idea & get the opportunity to try it out soon!Merry Xmas Lyn

  10. I have the rest of my life to learn and improve…That is the right attitude! Start with this year. Get one of those 2 foot tall cheapie fiber optic trees. They are mesmerizing to look at in the evening. I made my daughter a tree this year and she adores it. YOu and your son can make ornaments with construction paper and glitter, string popcorn garland, heck, with your play dough skills you could make a whole nativity scene!Another commentor suggested volunteering at a shelter or a soup kitchen, I think this is a wonderful idea. It could be the start of your very own tradition. When my husband and I got married, we had to immediately relocate far away from our families, and we ended up devising our own traditions, like the CD jukebox full of Christmas CDs. Think about what brings a smile to your face and build upon that. Holidays can be a lonely time, and I am sorry that you can’t spend the day with your son. You are right though, you do have a very large circle of friends out here in blog land, and we all hope you have a good Christmas this year, and many more to come!

  11. Hey T-manJust thought I’d stop by and let you know that watching "It’s a wonderful life" is a bad idea. Watch "elf." That’s funny AND cute. It’s too bad you don’t have a tree, but if it is just you, it makes sense. I’m sorry you don’t get to see your son as much. But when we come over at my dad’s, he hides our stockings and we had to go on a search to find them using clues he posted around the house. These stockings were well hidden too considering they are about 3 feet long! Maybe your son would like something like that too. Have a good Holiday Season T, make the most of it.

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  13. Tom,Christmas is really about the birth of the son of man. He was born poorer than you and I could of ever been. He laid his head in straw. He says nothing matters except to live in order to obtain heaven. I want to wish you and you boy a happy christmas and I want you to make your own holiday happiness. Maybe the X will find it in her heart to share Logan with you one christmas morning. If she never does, then when you and Logan are with God he may let you share the joy of watching Logan wake up in the mornings, and tucking him in at the nights. And your X just may find herself in not such a pleasant place…I don’t know just some thoughts.

  14. Hello Tom, Just finishing your entry and ahhhh.. how hard it must for you.I agree with many who have said, to maybe got ahead and get a tree. It may very well bring a different mood for you. It will be there for when your son does visit, and if you have friends that live nearby Tom, invite them over and have or create some kind of new beginings of christmas memories, and tradtions. Best of wishes for you Tom,Take care,Keppiegirl

  15. Hello! I felt sad reading this entry. Everyone should be with someone at Christmas, and of course you should get a tree, even if it’s just a small one.Traditions – I guess for me and my kids, it’s putting the Christmas Tree up the day after Thanksgiving. My kids just love to decorate it. My 10-year old even put it together by herself this year (yes, it’s artificial),I put the lights on it, she and the 2 year old decorated it and I put the beads around it. I NEVER put presents under the tree until everyone goes to sleep on Christmas Eve. When my youngest is old enough to know there is no Santa, I may be willing to change that, but just not sure yet. I also make pumpkin pies, because they are me and my daughter’s favorite. She loves to help me wrap gifts, too. We take the tree down either New Year’s Day or the day after. As I said, she is only 10, but she remembers these things every year.

  16. Hey Tom, I’m sorry you don’t have many memories of Christmas past but you can always make the most of Christmas present and future Christmas’. I did a post a week or two ago on Christmas Traditions, you can find it in my archives under December (I only have the 5 most recent posts up). We decorated our tree this past weekend. I will post a picture. Merry Christmas!Kim

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