I Have Help:)

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I finally gave up and hired the lawyer I went to see on Thursday. I had to give him $1000 to "get started" that scared the hell out of me but what else can I do. Things now are far out of my hands.I can’t really write about what he is going to do for me because I think my ex is reading my Space to get the inside scoop on me. She has enough help with out mine too. One day I will, after THINGS are done
It should make me feel better but inside I feel like even this won’t help at all. I must keep a positive attitude though and hope for the best regardless of my "feelings."
I am going to see if I can get my Son and take him to this old train station where they have steam engines and we can take a 1 hour ride on private tracks. I took him once before and he loved it. A friend of mine might take her two kids too. One of them knows my Son because I took them all fishing a few times too. My Son keeps asking me how they are so he must member them. Then again may be I should just keep it me & him?
School started around here and my neighbor asked me to take some pics of her kids first day of school. I gladly did it for her. I got to be there when her girl got on the bus for the first time (kdgn). Then when she got off the bus we were there to take more pics. They came out great and I printed them out for her on photo paper. I just put new ink cart. in it so they printed out great too. She was so happy to have some thing to remember the special day. Her girl gave me a big hug and thanked me too:)
This made my day but I later felt guilty for doing this for some one else’s kid and not my own Son:(  He started school too the same day but I could only call him to "talk" about how his day was, no pic or nothing as cool as that. It is a double edged sword, I love to help and be around kids, but I hate the guilt of not being "allowed" to do much of anything with my own Son. This kind of guilt really gets me down:(…tom g

21 Replies to “I Have Help:)”

  1. Tom,I have been in your shoes where if you just got along for the child’s sake, it would be better all around. And I have had to get the attorney to get things right.. Be strong… Just remember that your little one will be the one to benefit in the long run.. My youngest just started school. (kndg) He had a half day yesterday and a full day mon. I took the day off work to take him to school and will probably cry all day mon lol… your little one is old enough to know (feel) that you would have been there if you could have.. just do whatever you can do.. He will remember it… I took mine out to ice cream after our half day yesterday.. know what he told everyone about.. yep, the ice cream… do whatever you can to make a special (kndg) day when you next see him.. he will remember it… my ex said he would be here for my youngest’s first day.. no show… my son remembered his dad said he’d be here… and that he wasn’t.. just be strong… and love him.. show him that.. your doing a great job.. when you have days that get you down, just ask if he knows yo ulove him with all your heart.. if the answer is yes… you’re doing something right.. not your fault someone else is controlling what you can and can’t do with him… just love him…. no one can change that…

  2. first off, i want to thank you for taking your time and help me. I could make it work with what you told me.then, as daisy said, it’s not your fault not being there. You know you wanted to, perhaps your son should remember that you weren’t allowed to be with him even though you wished it.Don’t let yourself down, as long as you do things right, why should they keep you from seeing your OWN son? But yeah… i’m only 18, perhaps people would think i’m being naive…Hope your day with your son visiting the station turns out good.Regards,Cristian

  3. Yes first off keep things in your blog to a min. you dont need to give the ex anymore leverage than she already has …my Lawyer was 1000 up front(retaining fee) and 200 a month when all said and done 11,000 and i was no further ahead then than i was when she first kicked me out….a real lawyer will help in every way and wont side for her like mine did take care hope things work out

  4. T, Sorry to hear you had to reatian a lawyer,and pay that hefty fee! But I think in the long run, It will all pay off! U r doing the right thing, I will continue to pray for your situation! Have a great weekend! ~~Lisa~~

  5. It’s nice to see a father who wants to spend time with his child! I only wish my father had done the same… Keep your chin up!

  6. Hello I was looking at your site and it caught my eye right away. Me and my husband are trying to get custody of his two boys. Their mother has dissociative disorder with Psychotic features and that is scary enough to get them out of there. My husband has not gave up. There are men out there that could care less. So I say to you hold on and be strong your son will know later on that you fought for him and that is what matters You stay in your sons life and I send my blessing. Boys need their fathers!

  7. You know what T another thing is when he does get older and she cannot tell him anything she will then realize that he needs you. That is what a father is for to raise the boy to be a man. A woman cannot raise a boy to be a man. She cannot teach your son how to pee standing up. So you keep fighting these women tick me off nowadays Let these fathers be in the kids life I hope your X reads this.

  8. Tom, I hope for the best for you. At least you have an attorney now. I hope he or she is good and can get the job done quickly for you and your sons sake.

  9. Tom, I am glad that you had the money to hire an attorney. Let them do their job, that is what they get paid the big buck for. Good luck with it.As for on of the comments posted by Locomotionmommy Quote"is when he does get older and she cannot tell him anything she will then realize that he needs you. That is what a father is for to raise the boy to be a man. A woman cannot raise a boy to be a man. She cannot teach your son how to pee standing up".I have to totally disagree with this, First of all it takes both parents to contribute in their childrens lives. I does not take a man to raise a son, the same as it does not take a women to raise a daughter. Children get diffrent things from both mothers and fathers. Women ten to nuture more and can teach sensitivity, men to be more of the rule enforcers. As for teaching a child to pee standing up, all children learn to pee first sitting on a toilet.Please click on this link to read furtherhttp://www.health.com/health/article/0,23414,1076289,00.htmlThere are plenty of children raised by either just their fathers or mother that turn out just fine, both women and me bring diffrent things into their childrens lives. Weather they learn to pee standing up is just not a priority to me, when it comes to the grand scheam of things.Just a side note, I have been involved for the past 3 years with a man who has sole custody of his two boys, and I might add is doing a great job of raising his children. When our families combine our children will benefit from a male and female view of the world. I myself have 3 children 2 sons and one daughter. I look forward to having his perspective on issues also.Jackie

  10. Oh no! I feel so bad for you. I wish that doing a good deed didn’t also bring out the negative feelings for you, you must miss him so much! I think you are right not to post too much information on this site, I know you really need an outlet, but it is public domain and you never know who is reading. Talk to you later, Jen

  11. Today was the first time I visited your site, but I would like to say I hope things go the way you want them to with your child. It is sad that people end up in this situation. Why can’t both parents see that its best for the child to be able to spend time with both parents. Just because the parents can’t be together doesn’t mean the kids should have to suffer. Good luck.

  12. Don’t feel guilty Tom – your son would be proud you did such a nice thing. The only reason you would have to feel guilty is if you could be there and weren’t…but that’s not the case. So rather than feel guilty, feel good cause you gave someone else a priceless gift.Hang in there – Deb

  13. hang in there and keep a postive attitude as hard as it is right now.. stay strong! And having a lawyer wil take a lot of the burden and stress off you.. almost like a buffer from the emotional garbage you are having to deal with. It will help things in the long run. take care,jordan

  14. TOM SORRY FOR THE CAPS:) MY NAME IS NANCY MATHERS AND I ALSO AM A PARENT WITH TROUBLES GETTING MY 3 KIDS 2 GIRLS AND 1 BOY, THE CAS ARE TRYING TO KEEP MY KIDS AND GIVE ME LITTLE TO SEE THEM I HATE LETTING THEM GO CHILDREN ARE GODS BLESSINGS IN OUR LIVES AND THEY ARE NOT JUST HUMAN BUT THEY ARE INNOCENT AND NEED LOVE THEY ARE GODS GIFT TO US TO BRING UP RIGHT AND ILL HOLD U IN PRAYERS AND PLEASE ALSO U PRAY AND HAVE FAITH, AND HERES SOMETHING ELSE IF UR EX IS NOT CAREFUL SHE WILL MAKE HER KIDS RESENT HER WHEN IT COMES TO U THEY WILL HATE HER FOR KEEPING U AWAY. GODS LENT CHILD e him all ur love nor think the labor vain nor hate me when i come to take this child home again, i fancied that i heard them say dear lord thy will be donefor the joys this child will bring the risk of grief ill run,we will shelter him with tenderness we will love them while we mayand for the happiness we have known forever grateful stay,but should thy angels call for him much sooner then we plannedwe will brave the grief that comes and try to understand

  15. HERE IS ALL TE WORDS FOR THIS POEM GODS LENT CHILDill lend you for a little while a child of mine god saidfor u to love the while he lives and mourn for when he’s deadit may be one or two yrs or forty-two or threebut will u till i call him back take care of him for me,i cannot promise he will stay since from earth all returnbut the lesons taught below i want this child to learnand ive looked the whole world over in search of teachers trueand from the things that crowd lifes lanes i have chosen you.will u give him all ur love nor think the labor vain nor hate me when i come to take this child home again, i fancied that i heard them say dear lord thy will be donefor the joys this child will bring the risk of grief ill run,we will shelter him with tenderness we will love them while we mayand for the happiness we have known forever grateful stay,but should thy angels call for him much sooner then we plannedwe will brave the grief that comes and try to understandI HOPE THIS HELPS U AND HAVE FAITH GOD BLESS AND JESUS LOVES U

  16. Tom,Jackie and I agree…do what you need to do and don’t pay any attention to the nay-sayers that don’t have a clue as to what it is to raise a child. If you are a real parent (not you, but just in general, I think you know what I am saying) it doesn’t matter if you are the mother or the father, you can raise a girl or a boy. You know my situation and now Jacqueline and I are joining families and we do have differences but work through things. Some people are just ignorant as to what it is to be a parent. I would have custody of my children whether they were boys or girls, courts are more worried about the best environment for a child and not the gender of the children. That never came up in my court case, everything was what environment would be more nurturing and offer the kids the best life, not financially so much but more educational, spiritual, discipline, things of that nature. So keep your head up, you do have a long road ahead…not going to lie to you…it is going to be difficult, trying, anger you at times, but just remain flexible and keep your faith. Keep a journal as to the things that you do with him when you have him, keep videos, take pictures, but most definitely keep a journal…that is extremely important. You have my email address if you have any questions, I still have everything from our court case and know the ins and outs of the process that an attorney may not inform you aobut. I would be more than happy to help, you know that.Talk to you later,Larry

  17. hi again tom:and hello larry hey u have my fathers name lol well larry it seems that u are alot like i am resasonable and a fighter as well as a parent and i gotta say WAY TO GO!! alot of ppl in this life and this generation and others are so down they are miserable and they want to make others feel as bad as they do so they say negative things and tell u itas not worth it but….. CHILDREN ARE WORTH MORE THEN ANYTHING THEY ARE AS I WAS TAUGHT PRICELESS AND PRECIOUS. theres a saying that love and faith can move mountains u just never know the power of love and prayer till u are faced with losing ur precious gems and then u suddenly realise u took them for granted and they are ur heart and soul ur very reason aisde from god that u live and the true thing u never regret and did right. again tom never let ppl put u down and never give in or give up ur love is what matters to ur son/daughter and they depend on that and they will never forget ur love.and like larry i am also knowledgeable in law and psychology and have also been through a court custody case with my ex so here i can also be of help if u want. JUST LET GOD BE UR GUIDE AND REMEMBER HE LOVES U!!

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