Daddy “Mark”?

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Today I got a call from my ex-wife. She said she two thing to talk about. First she wanted to drop everything in court, visitation, support and custody. She even said I could get him for weekends at my place. I thought she got hit in the head or something until I remembered she had TWO thing to talk about. I then realized that there must be a catch some were.
I was right! She then said she was going to move to Baltimore, MD because she hated DE. It’s too hard to find a job and she has a nice house with a big back yard. Then it all made sense, I asked her "so what’s HIS name", she said "Mark". Her last boyfriend is filing court papers for their son (my sons brother) and she does not want to be alone. My heart hit the floor! I though she might be finally growing up and she is still the same selfish person I knew when we were married.
I told that there was no way I was going to let her take him to Balt. It would be horrible enough for my Son to have to get to know his 4th dad in his years of life but she wants to take him 100 miles away. I have no car or license to get there to pick him up. I could not depend on her to bring him up here every other weekend. I do not care if she has 50 different boyfriends, that does not bother me. It does bother me that my Son is seeing this and is being adversely effected by it. We got into a huge argument and she said fine then she’ll keep taking me to court, just because I won’t give in and let her have her way. Even if her way is bad for our Son. I told her that if it was so important to go and find love and peace in Balt. then go with out my Son. The sad part was she said no because she did not want to be alone, not that it would be better for him down there or that I was not good enough to keep him. It tell a lot about her priorities. She ended up hanging up on me first.
She does not understand that I would not think she is a bad mom for giving him up for a while, after all she had him for six years and I just want to do my part as his dad. She see it as me trying to take him away from her. No one would think less of her for letting me have him or his grand mom for a while. I owe her time and just want to even things up. She could have some time off to get things worked out in her life in Balt w/Mark or where ever w/who ever. I do not want my Son see his mom fail so many times and not learn from her mistakes.
I have to think of what to do now. I was not expecting this big an issue to come up. I have something in mind but I am not going to write about it here. I told my ex about this blog because I wanted to before she found it on her own. I had a feeling she might know already but I was not sure. She said one of her friends found it when I was featured on the "Whats Your Story" hub page in mid June. I got over 180,000 views and its not that hard to believe someone found it. Her friend saw my Sons pic and called her to tell her about it. When I asked her what she thought, she said she did not see anything bad about her and nothing saw that was not true so she was not mad about it. Thank God!
I feel for her old boyfriend, the other "daddy". He was a great guy, My Son loved him as a dad. He did a lot for and with him. I wish I could talk with him to see if he is ok. He will probably get custody of his Son (my Sons little brother) because he is more responsible and independent than my ex.
Well it’s going to be an interesting time ahead and I hope things do not get too out of control. I have a court order thats stated where and when she is to allow me visits. She better have him there some how. I do not know how much longer she’ll be living there so I hope she gets a new order. I am not giving one inch until she gets a new one. I may be going to file papers again soon anyway to make sure she can’t leave the state with him until a hearing. I hate going to court but I have no other choice…tom g

30 Replies to “Daddy “Mark”?”

  1. What an awful blow!! How can she do this to her own son? So sorry about the fact that you will most likely have to go to court again. I hope that everything turns out okay for you. Kathi

  2. Sorry to read what is happening now.You are right, it would be best for you to have your son, and maybe talk to her in the way you have in your post… That maybe it would be better for you to have him for awhile, so that she can settle iinto her new life, and new place to live. Tell her that way your son does not have yet another adjustment to go through.. a new home, a new city, and a new man in his mothers life. If she has just left one man, it is not so easy for your son to be introduced to another man whom he has to share his mom with. That is selfish of her to do that to him. And yes, I could imagine it would be hard for your son to see his mom go through all of this again. And with you , their can be stability and attention on him, instead of him having to share attention instantly again with another man. And that would be selfish of her to make him go through it again so quickly. It is not good for your boy.And yes, I think it would be wise of you to go to court to block her from leaving, that is so unfair of her to do. Get that in motion as soon as you can. As they say "give in inch, they take a mile" so keep strong, and do not give that inch…..I enjoy reading your posts, I admire how much you love your son, and how you talk of him, and how you are so concerned about his welfare. And I am impressed in how you speak of his mom, it is not a hmm bashing of words, it is just stated how things are.I wish for you all the best,take careKeppiegirl

  3. I am sorry to hear this. It sounds like your ex is looking for the security of her past relationship with Mike. Maybe she feels that she can raise your son in a better enviroment with a house and yard, etc. I hate that it is so far away. I hate the fact that yall can’t work this out without going to court- Believe me I dont think anybody likes going to court, I know that I don’t :-)You need to do what you feel is best for your son. I know that things are hard, my thoughts and prayers are with you.Good luck.Jackie

  4. Keep your chin up! And Keep fighting for what is rightfully yours. Too my knowledge she shouldn’t be able to take him out of state without your permission if you have rights to your child. We are routing for ya!!!!

  5. YA I think *Gangsta_Kitty* is right. She shouldnt be able to take him out of State without your permission? I wish you the best in your struggle!

  6. You know – It sounds to me that you also are more responsible than she is also. Maybe you should talk with him and maybe he has something to say to the courts now that he is in this situation. I know things are hard right now, but hang in there. Your little guy won’t be a little guy forever. Keep us posted.Debbie

  7. Unfortunately, people DO look down on mothers without custody of their children. I know, because I went through that. However, it takes a lot of guts to stand up and realize what really is best for the children. If being with you is best, I hope that she can come around to that. Otherwise, she needs to stay put. It does a child no good to be ripped from one of their parents.

  8. Tom,There are always two sides to every story. If what you write is the whole truth and not just one persons perpective of a two persons story, than I will say that is too bad and I feel for you. If your wife states you can have Logan every weekend and all of this stuff than does she offer any kind of transportation help or assistance? I guess, I also want to know if she has her other child from this recent affair. I also want to know how she met this new person? I hope that I did not offend you, it is just too easy to give your side and yet the other person may see and state things in another way…just experience I went through. I was totally blindsided from it as well.

  9. Sorry to hear that things are going a bit rough. Remember, if God brings you to it, he can bring you through it! I’m around if you need an ear to vent to. You know where to find me! 😀

  10. Hello,I came across your blog not too long ago. I agree with dadkins31, there always 2 side of the stories. We heard a lot from you but not from your ex point of view.Anyway when relationship turn sour, children are always affected in whatever way. But I do admire your effort to give your son the best that u can. And I do from the bottom of my heart hope everything turns out good for you.Kind regardsAnn

  11. I am glad you are fighting for what is best for your son even if it is difficult. My heart goes out to you. – Bunny

  12. hang in there. things will turn out fine for you. A Chinese saying: good things are gonna happen to good people!!!support you for always…

  13. good luck.. my advice, keep fighting. even if you lose( which I hope you don’t for his sake) one day your son will have learned to fight for what he believes is right. And kids have to know that you’ll never give up on them.. When my divorce first started, all I wanted was to get as far away from my ex as possible, which for me meant moving two states away to be near my parents. It took quite a few months to decide to stay in the same state. although I moved the farthest away from him I could but stayed in the state of Iowa. now we both drive two hours to meet in the middle for his visitation. But all my kids know we stayed in iowa so he could see his dad. In the long run, we are doing better than ever before, and my son has the relationship with his dad… just keep fighting.. going to court sucks, but he’s worth it, and she’s got to know that you just want to be a part of his life, which is your right, and your son’s as well.. good luck.. I’ll be thinking of you..

  14. I started reading your blog when it was featured on MSN. I’ve sided with you in that it sounds like your ex isn’t thinking of your son’s best interests, anyone can see that clearly, the child needs stability. I also don’t believe that you’re the best choice in terms of where he should be permanently either. You can’t drive which is not the safest thing in cases of emergency. You don’t have a job and have no way to support him outside the money you get for disability, which can’t be much I’m sure (not that money is everything, but it helps). I don’t mean to offend you at all, I just think the child needs a stable place with people who can care for him. Just for the record, I have rheumatoid arthritis and in my worst times when I couldn’t hardly walk across the floor, I’ve maintained my employment, so I’m not picking on any disability you have, I just know that a person does what needs to be done for their family. Good luck, I hope things work out.

  15. It is so hard to believe that people can be so selfish in life as to not think of their children first. I am sorry that everything is going so hard for you. I hope it workds out.

  16. You need to stop diddling around and get your butt in court! You also need to get the court to appoint a guardian ad litem for your son. This lawyer looks out for the best interest in him not you or your ex. I’m betting that the guardian would side with you but you need to prove you can handle the care and security of your son better than she can. Although nothing says she can’t take him out of state, you need to get some type of visitation papers (legal) drawn up saying when you get him, if he can leave the state, etc. I had a friend who’s divorce papers stated that the child could not leave the state of Wyoming until of legal age. So when the mother decided to move because of a job offer, she had no choice but leave the child with his father. Anyways, like I said if she isn’t going to do the paper work you need to or you are going to get screwed. Take care~Kat

  17. Tom, I have read your entry twicw now an I still dont know quite how to respond. I wish I could say or do something to help….. All you can do is continue to be the best Dad you can be. Your son will realize everything you have done for him when he is older. Again, I wish I could help. I will keep you both in my prayers. Im sorry.

  18. I’m sorry tom, that it’s come to this mess. But, it seems as though you already knew something was coming of all this. I can’t believe her, yet on the other hand I can, she is a woman with a mean spirit, and it doesn’t seem as though she’s looking in the best interest of your son. His life seems very crazy and I wish both you and him all the luck in the world, cause you will need it dealing with her. Tell her to start a blog it may help her in dealing with her own issues…The only thing I can do is be here for you and Logan and I will continue to until you stop blogging … Don’t do that though, I’ll lose a friend.Take care,Patty

  19. Hi…I agree with 57jktm…I like what she wrote in her response. You definatly need those papers drawn up about him leaving the state. Thats not what there called in Canada, to what she referred to as a Gaurdian *( I don’t think maybe I misunderstood) but anyhow, a Lawyer is there to look at his situation as a child and whats in his best intrest…not you or his mom. Gosh I wish you and your son all the best…I’m wanting to say call your local childrens aid for some advice. Use them all you can. If he does get taken into custody all expenses are paid….and you’ve got a fare chance at really getting him back with you. Cause she sounds very unstable to me. Although you can’t just say she’s gonna take him out of state…there needs to be more to it then that…but think about it, call and see what they have to say, you don’t have to give your name, just see what it would take to get your son out of her care…..I’ve had kids brought into my home because their moms have stopped taking there prozac!!! It might be worth the call Tom. Take care and keep us up to date. ~Laura~

  20. What goes around, comes around. I know this is not any consolation, but very true. This a crappy deal for your son, she obviously does not get it. He is the victim in this.You need to keep fighting for what is right and just for him.Blessings,Sabine

  21. my prayers are with you! i hope that your ex realizes how much pain she is putting your son (not to mention you!) through just so she can have her way and ‘not be lonely’. did she have kids so she would ‘not be lonely’??? thats a hell of a reason to have a kid, eh? hope everything works out, tom!~mandy

  22. Good luck with everything…i know some people do not ever want to be alone and if you are not somewhat independent then you will get nowhere in life. I am glad that you are standing up for what should be….Even if she keeps him she should not be able to leave the state without your okay. GoOD LUCK!!!

  23. Hey, I am pretty much going though the same situation with my ex. He thinks that it is okay to have sex with someone that he doesn’t love, and from what I last heard from his friend that he may be expecting another kid, but he doesn’t know if it’s his or not right now, and he doesn’t even love this person. This had happened after we had seperated, and it has only been two months.

  24. You know what, Tom? I’m proud of you! You are thinking about something that has you irked off in a very rational what can I do about it way. All you want is what is best for your son. You’ll figure it out.

  25. Hey..Tom, I think that’s your name! Look.. I’m a 14 year old … But I understand most of what you’re going through!! My parents had a pretty rough divorce, and my dad has custody. My mom didn’t fight for custody, not because she didn’t care…but because that was what was best at the time! I’ve grown up to realize that my mom isn’t the bad person I thought she was all those years. All I heard was my dad’s side. –So keep hanging in there, sounds like YOU are the one who NEEDS custody of that child! For his sake!. … Not saying that your ex is a bad mother…But she can’t just keep putting him through all of that! – Well, if you’d like.. read my blogs, or whatever.. and leave me a comment back! And sorry if you don’t really want to talk to a 14 year old.. I just thought your story was a bit like what my mom’s been through..and I now know about it! Don’t worry about your son, he’ll figure out right from wrong as he grows older.. & I’m sure that he’ll realize who he needs to be with (if you don’t get custody already! which I really hope you do!) You seem like a great dad, who really cares! –Keep your spirits up, and hang in there!– Mary

  26. Hey Tom,Sorry to hear about what’s going on now. Maybe she will have a change of heart and not do that but I think that there is a paper you can file called a no travel clause which would keep her from taking him. She has to prove that it would be in the best interest of the child also it would be her that would have to drive him and pick him up.. I don’t know that is what we have here in cali your state might be different.

  27. hey… do u hav msn cuz id love to talk to ya so if ya do plz add me :)… and good luck with ur son… im only 16 but i can kinda relate from his perspective

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