Today my ex-wife called to say we had to talk. She told me her boyfriend was going ti get her out of his house. When I asked why she said it was all his fault. He wanted to move his mew woman in. YEAH RIGHT, my gut tells me it was her who ruined it. Now my son has no home, no bed of his own, no bro to play w/daily, and no dad of any kind to be around.
She told me we need to work out our problems so I can have my Son more. Now its OK, now that SHE need more freedom to roam.(to hook dad #4-5 for my Son) I need to move out of here to get more I want him to have his own room and thing too. I dint want him to know my home now. It is not the best place for him. Even though there are many kids his own age here they are used to things the way they are around here. (cops, fights arguments, and other crimes like that) I want him to feel secure and safe. I hope to be able to give I’m a permanent home. His mom can come and go as she pleases, visit him or not any time day or night. She can have all the freedom she can handle as long as our son does not see her true nature. She is his mom and I don’t want him to know how she can be.
My ex said she is going to start looking for an apt. That a joke she could not pull her own weight with the last guys help, alone she’ll never have her own anything. Having something herself would leave her to vulnerable. If things do not work out OK she won’t have any to put the blame on.
I have been ting a lot about this today. I have too many ideas and things I wish I could do now but I will have to hang in there a bit longer and things may just go my way as far as me & my Son are concerned…tom g
I hope for your sons sake that she finds something worth while, even some small apartments that she can afford or there are places that offer help while you need it. It is better than being in a relationship not worth it. I hope her ex does not just throw her and your son out and get her a chance to get her stuff together. I do hope you get your son more now so that he can be with you and have that father figure in his life. My situation is a little differnet and his father is around but he does have a daughter that he does not get to see much because her mom is a nut so I do understand. Her mom is a compulsive liar and it is not good. Good luck!!!Tina
so sorry about this recent turn of events, I just hope that whatever happens, your son will not be caught up in the middle. This stuff is so hard on kids. It would be good for your son to be able to see more of you, as you seem to be the only stable thing in his life right now. Good luck,Kathi
Things just keep getting messier over there. It’s nice to hear your concern for how this all will impact your son. Not getting to see his brother or have his own bed; those are the kinds of things that kids feel distressed over. You should definatly take advantage of your ex’s change of heart (even if it is momentary). Seems like that could work in your favor when your next day in court comes. As always good luck!April
Tom,You said that your son had "no dad of any kind to be around". You are his dad and don’t forget that. Now is a great opportunity to go to the courts, petition for emergency custody. You offer more stability (obviously) and a better environment for him. Do what you need to do, do it for your son. Your son has a father that obviously cares for him, he doesn’t need the chaotic environment that he is currently in. He needs a stable home, he needs what you can offer. This has nothing to do with "man vs. woman", this has everything to do with the best interest of the child and I know that you understand that, so go do what needs to be done.Larry
Hi Tom!If there’s one thing I’ve learned recently, it’s to concentrate on bettering your own situation and let you ex figure out how to live in the chaos she’s created for herself. I know it’s hard for you to see your son put in this situation also.. (I know this feeling all too well myself). Maybe you could get her to agree to let him stay with you temporarily until she’s able to get "back on her feet". My thoughts are with you.. Hope this works out. S-
You need to do what is best for you and your son. You will always be his dad and not just his father, there is a big difference, but she will always be his mom. It is hard to have nice things to say after she put you through all that hell, but keeping things on an even keel as possible is the best for your son. He knows what is going on, he knows when one says somnething bad about the other. It does nothing but hurt our children. My ex-husband was a phalandering, aldulterous SOB, and unfortunately my daughter knows to much about it, my fault, if I could do it over again…. I would not draw her into the mess and just let her know she is loved by both her biological father and her step-dad. I let my phenom seep onto her, she was very confused and still holds that anger in her heart.Your a good DAD.Blessings,Sabine
Hi, Tom.It’s always hard to watch your son/daughter go through hard times. It used to tear me up inside when my ex would do/say negative things that hurt my kids. As difficult as it is, you have to be the strong one, so that your boy knows who he can depend on. As he gets older, he will figure out his mom and her boyfriends. What caught my eye this time was "broken home" in the title. While I see the appropriateness with you ex’ situation, it always knocks me over the head when I hear or see that expression. Actually had a friend use it in coversation in front of me once. When I look at me and my kids and someone uses that phrase to describe us, I just ask – "Oh, was it more of an intack family when we were with their alcoholic, emotionally abusive father? That’s a complete, whole, healthy family?" If it is, I’ll take "broken" for me and my kids any day. Good luck, Tom.J
Hi there. Just came across your blog. Sounds like you are having a pretty hard time of things. Sorry to hear about that. It’ll get better eventually. 🙂
Tom,It is so hard being a single parent. When it comes to relationships, non of us are experts when it comes to judging how long a relationship will last, etc. If we were experts, non of us would have had failed relationships, or ex spouses.I went throught sort of the same thing not to long ago. I moved myself and my children in with someone thinking (hoping) I would be for the rest of our lives. Well it did not work out to well, we worked on adjusting everybody to the new way of things. It was really hard when we broke up, and not only were the adults affected the kids were also. I agree that the kids need to be in the most stable enviroment ( I have sacirificed raising my youngest child for this reason). The other thing that we have to remember is that children bounce back way faster than we as adults do. Just because you may not have full custody of your son right now, makes you no less of a parent to your child. Think through everything before you take him away from his mother, becuase what you have to remember is that she may have been stable in his life. Mker sure you are doing what is best for him, and hopefully your ex, will also think about what is best for him also. Good luck,Jackie
I agree with April..take advantage of the situation in court. It is for the good of your son. Don’t think of it as taking advantage of her, but rather taking control of the situation before it gets out of hand. Play your hand carefully, and don’t worry about being the ‘good’ or ‘nice’ guy. You know you are. WE know you are. Obviously your ex was too stupid to appreciate that you are a ‘good’ and ‘nice’ guy. Nice guys don’t have to finish last. Even if taking advantage of the situation makes you feel kinda cruddy, just remember this saying: "Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines." 😉