To My Ex-Wife:

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If you find this blog, don’t take your anger on the wrong people! I started this of my own free will. No one conspired w/me to do it. It was not intended to be a way for me to put you down, only to lift myself up!. If you take the time to read my entries you’ll see more compliments than complaints personally directed to wards you. I have tried my best hide the worst things that happened between us. I have never lied either, that was one thing that I wanted to watch for. If you want to punish any one for this blog, punish me.  I write this to help me deal w/ issues & to brag about our wonderful Son. Thats all. You can not have a problem w/that, can u?

You might not want to believe this but I do have a lot of respect for your. You have done a fabulous job w/Logan. I would be an idiot to think otherwise. It shows every time I get to see him. His other "Dad" too has done an outstanding job as well. I couldn’t ever say anything bad about the way you have raised him. Only that you are a bit selfish when it comes to letting people see him.

If you aren’t happy w/ my blog, I would love it if your would comment on any thing you dis-agree with instead of being mad at everyone. Start Your own space to talk about how you feel about it, its free. You have not been too honest over the years so I would love to hear your honest opinions from your point of view. We could link our spaces to give both sides of the story in the Court Of Public Opinions where sensible people rule.

I hope you understand why I write in this blog. If you are truly offended or upset about my space and plan to start more hell for me. I will consider erasing all entries and give up the only source I have left to express myself, if you give good reasons why I should.

Please don’t hide your feelings leave a comment here so others can see your side. Talk to me about this not others…Tom g

30 Replies to “To My Ex-Wife:”

  1. hey tomi saw your space was featured on msn, so i have looked around. your story reminds me a lot of the things that happened to my dad when he and my mom got divorced when i was 6. he had a hard time getting to see us too, although i have to say it seems like you sure are getting jipped. however, i know i dont need to tell you not to give up, because i know you’ll keep trying.i know that when my dad first moved out, all i wanted was to be with him. i have always been a daddy’s girl and i did everything i could to get to see him.not to diss my mother or your ex-wife, because my mom did what she thought was in the best interest of her children, and because maybe that’s what your ex-wife is doing too, but i had many arguments with my mom about my dad. i hope and pray that your son does not have to deal with the struggles i went through with my mom because it has left our relationship permanently damaged.i also wanted to tell you from experience that it will not be a problem for you to be at your son’s graduation (i would know, i just graduated myself). my mom and dad can barely be civil to each other for more than 15 minutes at a time, and they have been divorced for 12 years! however they have both been able to attend all of my band concerts, sports competitions, and all in between (including my graduation). so i know that no matter how tense things may get between you and your ex, you’ll be able to be there for your son’s special moments.it seems to me that you are a great dad, almost as good as mine (sorry, little bias involved here ;))! i know that these custody situations are sticky and no one likes them, but in the end, it’s all worth it (as you well know already, you certainly cherish the 4.5 hours you get with your son every other saturday). you never know. it took my dad a couple years to get us more often, but he did it. and don’t ever doubt the impact you will have on your son, because i know that even though i didn’t get to see my dad as much growing up, i always cared about his opinions, and i always loved talking to him about everything. i hope that everything works out for your son the way things have worked out for me and my dad.your friendkaleigh

  2. Hey, I think this great what you are doing, you have soem of the most beautiful kids i have seen, i hvae grown up in a broken home all of my life and it can be hard on the kids believe. but i have notice that the fathers are the one that raising the kids and not the mothers, but when a man can step up to the challenge and not have child support, that is a true mangod bless you and your family

  3. I know how you feel, I think it is wonderful that you are making the best of it. This is a great way to get what you feel out, and not have someone interupting you, the way others usually do. Keep going it will get better.Bridgett

  4. I really don’t like the idea of you wanting to confined someone in a room until the situation is solved. That kind of frightens me a bit because I am just now getting out of an abusive relationship and the courts are making him pay child support and recieve visitations. But that is just through the restraining order that I have just placed on him. Now, we are going through the circuit court.

  5. I do think that your space is wonderful and I would like to commend you for being so open about your situation. I wish the best of happiness.

  6. Hey brother, do you mind if I link your space to mine? And please feel free to link mine to yours if you like it! Let me know… Thanks 😉

  7. I think you are great Tom. Good for you. Your entry to your ex-wife is really just such tribute. I hope your ex-wife gets to see it. My kids dad shows up (on the telephone ONLY to me ONLY) on holidays (Father’s Day, Christmas) and pays nothing and offers NO support. He has been replaced by someone who ADORES my boys. I say "replaced" because he has never been there for them, even when he was a "stay at home dad" (aka: didn’t want to work so he layed in bed all day and made a 3 yr old take care of an infant….). I wish all the best for you and I hope also that you can find something to make YOU happy, some sort of work to do, to give you more esteem, YOU DESERVE IT.

  8. I want to comend you on the excellent job that you are doing. My parents got divorced when I was 9 and my mom always forced me to see my father, who has now not spoken to me in almost 2 years and I was there for every battle between my mom and dad. I envy every father that at least tries to be there for there children, my boyfriend of two years has work on and off in the state of TX and has been put in jail twice for failure to pay which happens every time the balance of past due child support is above $5,000, but everytime that happens he loses his job and has a hard time finding abother one and so the process starts all over again, and unforcunitly it’s his son that is one the losing end and my daughter her "dad". I do want for you to know that there is something to be said for emotional support while it is not something that the government considers payment, it is something that is needed for every child, the more love you can give them when they are growing the better off they will be.

  9. I love and admire your space. My Hubby has custody of his daughter from a previous marriage and we had to go through quite a legal battle to get where we are today. Keep your head up, its obvious how much you love your son. Hope you have a happy father’s day, you deserve it!

  10. My "boyfriend" has custody of his kids, and I know a number of my male friends who ought to have a lot more access than they actually get to theirs. Some of my friends have a 50/50 split with their ex partners. It’s not easy and no one truely wins, particularly not the kids, but then if parents stay together that can screw kids up just as much. All you can do is your best, and you come across as a really loving Dad who wants the best for his son. You can only do your best. Keep writing *smile*.. it’s not for anyone else, it’s for you.

  11. I have a great deal of respect for you for dealing with your ex the way you did. not too many people would have been so rational, understanding and calm about it, just the way you handled things. It takes a big person to do so.I wouldn’t erase your blogs for her. That’s your way of dealing with your feelings, and sometimes honesty hurts. You’re doing an excelent job from what you’ve transcribed through your blogs. You have an awesome love for your children. Keep it up!Life isn’t always smiles and sunshine, but with every expeirience, good or bad, you learn about you and grow spiritually. Try to use these moments as a positive learning expeirience.Lauren

  12. Hey Tom, Never give up your son. No matter how tough things get with your x-wife your son will always remember that you were for him when he grows up, and that won’t be long.Iwish my dad had hung in there but he died at 57 years old and we just never quite got it. Never let anyone come between you and whats yours. You just have to be strong and keep smiling.

  13. I had a boyfriend who’s ex was a lot like yours. You keep up the good work, hold on to your values, and just love your child every chance you get. M

  14. I really wish the US court systems would finally take a stand on Father’s rights. I mean the court systems are for the Woman or Mother’s 99% of the time. As long as the father pays his child support is all that matters to the court’s. Until Father’s (men) start taking a stand and making their voice heard I am afraid it will never end.Father’s are just as important in the up bringing of their children as the mother is, but yet the father in the court systems eyes does not reconize this yet, and may never. I blame the court’s, lawyers, social workers and judges. Because of the decision’s they make daily, children in every state suffer daily.Men need to wake up, take a stand, make your voice heard, gather together, make your own laws, change the laws tell the world you are better than just a child support check every two weeks.

  15. Hey…nice to see that some fathers really do put their kids first! My ex left me and our 9-year-old son over five years ago–for another woman. Our son adored my ex, but as the years passed, my ex decided to see him less and less. Women are always given first priority in his twisted little world, and he goes through them like he does underwear. He only lives 15 miles away, and he is "supposed" to take our son every Saturday (he refuses to take him overnight), but the ex had not seen our son in over three months! No calls, nothing. Finally, he called and we met him a few days ago, since I needed to collect my support. I cannot attach his wages, since he is self-employed. Anyway, I admire the fact that you seem to want to keep things cordial with the ex–I despise mine, but you’d never guess it if you saw me talking to him. Instead, I vent on message boards and blogs 🙂 Anyway….kudos to you, and Happy Father’s Day!

  16. Hello my I’m Niki and I thank you for your blog. I know a lot of people are responding for what you have been writing because it happens all over the US and that is true. I’m here to say keep on doing what you are doing because everything catches up with you in the end. My parents got divorced when I was 9 and then I moved in with him when he got out of the Navy shortly after that. Now that I’m 27 years old, my dad passed away last year (one year and 6 days on Father’s Day) and I miss him so!!! I remember being young and my mother bad mouthing Daddy, but I knew better. I know better about what happened and I miss him so. So for all f the people out there….honor ALL of your parental figures, cause you never what is going to happen

  17. ARE YOU FREAKIN SERIOUS TOM ! DO YOU REALLY THINK YOUR EX CARES ONE BIT WHAT YOU THINK? IF SHE CARED YOUD BE MARRIED ! NO ?GET REAL MAN! SHE’S LAUGHING HER FAT ASS OFF IF SHE READ THIS ! HAVE SOME PRIDE MAN !

  18. dude you are a loser get over the divorce.and:You speak a lot to your X, and very little about your child. That says it all!!!!!

  19. I find your site a beautiful, welcome addition to the web. As a Bonus Mom (I call my SD my Bonus Daughter) to a troubled, confused 11 year old girl, I applaud your strength and courage. It would take thousands of entries to chronicle the pain, frustrations, wasted money, false allegations of abuse, false allegations of practically everything really, name calling, threats, hang-ups, crank calls, etc. that my husband and I have been subject to by his ex. My God, I still can’t believe I’ve survived this long without completely losing my mind. I only hope that people will realize that your pain (and that of my husband) is more the norm than the exception. I challenge people to spend the day at Family Court and look at the horrors that occur under the guise of "best interests of the child." It’s hogwash!!! I have been told COUNTLESS times by DAs, attorneys, and even judges that the real motto is "WHATEVER IS IN THE BEST INTEREST OF THE MOTHER!" NOW is opposed to shared custody because of money! Don’t believe me?? Call them for yourself!! I sure as heck did. Read some of the stepmother pages that are out there-this stuff is for real, it is scary, and it is destroying countless generations. God bless you, Tom, and the other men (and the families that stand with them) that struggle to be more than just a check. Incidentally, my DH said he was going to go to Court dressed as a check if we ever have to go again. My Bonus Daughter has decided that she wants to live with us-of course, the BioMom is upset. It takes time, but most kids eventually figure out who really has their best interests in mind. We’ve never said anything bad about her mother to her (OK, there was that one time that I told her that something she said her mother said hurt my feelings. Call me a monster!!)-she reached her conclusions through her own observations. I’m rambling. God bless you all.

  20. Hi, I wouldn’t worry too much about your ex, let that feeling go, just think of you and your son, thats all that matters and will always matter. I just recently got back custody of my 6 yr old all because her father went behind my back and lied about me to the courts while I was away on a business trip, he would never let me see her or anything, it took my 4 yrs to get her back and thats because I could never find them, he moved from female to female, which made it hard, So as of now I’m my kids mother and father, I can make it on my own, so what I’m saying is, go on with your life. Make it as joyous and as happy as you can. Happy Fathers Day to you :)Shae

  21. How lucky can a kid be to have a father like you who really cares about him. My 12 year old grandson could use even one tenth of the support you show for your son. You will be rewarded not too far down the road, when your son lovingly remembers your efforts to keep in touch in spite of the spite….It won’t be an easy row to hoe, as you have already learned, but the fruits of your pulling the weeds that threaten to strangle the life from your relationship with your son will blossom. He will someday be old enough to make his own mind up, and that will be your happiest time. Good Luck and bless you.

  22. I am absolutely disgusted at the fact that you post your personal issues all so you can gain support for your "cause". This isn’t about your child, this is about you using your situation as a means to look like the better parent. If I was your ex wife I would hall your ass back to court and demand that this be removed. Not too mention defamtion of character on her behalf, REGARDLESS, of whether you have used names or not! There are still people that know the BOTH of you and it is tactless and irresponsible on your part. If you were serious about your child you and your love for him you would leave out the public. If anything I feel sorry for your son because you have brought other people into your personal issues. Get a clue your not the only parent that is going through this and your little tribute to single moms in the beginning was a feeble attemt to make yourself look like the picture perfect father. It is men like you who parade your father’s right’s attitude on the sleeve of your shirt and act like the victim. The Victim is not YOU or EX, it is the innocent child that you managed to use in your cheap wannabe diary. I will not wish you luck, I would hope that this blog and pictures of your child (which is another thing I would hall your ass into court for posting pictures of a minor child without consent of the other parent.) would be taken off this site. Hopefully your ex has sense that she has copied everything and knows also that all contact through email is admissible in court.

  23. I really enjoy reading your blog. I am the child of a divorced family so I can relate to somethings you talk about. Fortunately, my parents get along well and the visiting rights are very flexible. Good luck to you. And to GodsSnflower73 or whatever. If you truly were God’s sunflower I don’t think you would debase this man and use the word ass excesively like you did. Grow up.

  24. Tom, I only hope that your son will know of the wonderful praise that you bestow on your ex-wife. I don’t know the relationship between you and her but if is anything like the one that my brother has had to go through, well, bless you. She is now in an abusive relationship and it has effected my nephew on so many levels of his life. Every breath she continually puts my brother down to my nephew, their mutual friends, my mother, and even to me. We fight to keep our true feelings about her actions hidden from my nephew. We try to encourage him to stay positive and keep the Lord in his life and one day the truth will be known. I never knew people could be so deceitful and mean. Best of luck to you and to the relationship with your son. God Bless, Lori

  25. Tom, I only hope that your son will know of the wonderful praise that you bestow on your ex-wife. I don’t know the relationship between you and her but if is anything like the one that my brother has had to go through, well, bless you. She is now in an abusive relationship and it has effected my nephew on so many levels of his life. Every breath she continually puts my brother down to my nephew, their mutual friends, my mother, and even to me. We fight to keep our true feelings about her actions hidden from my nephew. We try to encourage him to stay positive and keep the Lord in his life and one day the truth will be known. I never knew people could be so deceitful and mean. Best of luck to you and to the relationship with your son. God Bless, Lori

  26. Hey tboy and the rest, before you start nagging on Tom here to "be a man" first concerned what that actually means. Does being a "man" mean you cant feel? Does it mean you can’t be confused and disappointed, does it mean you can’t be human? I have to ask…do you have children and if you do are they open enough with you to confide in you, their fears and concerns or do you make comments to them like " be a man" "don’t be a cry baby" Practise what you preach….MAN! *sigh* Just for the record…I’ve worked for the prescious system…and the "system" SUCKS!God Bless!Echoo

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