The “Letter”

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This week end is the second visit I had to miss. I was feeling really bad so I bought a bunch of Halloween stuff. I put it in a big box and will send it to him in his name. She can not have me arrested for that , I hope. I put a card inside it saying I missed him and that I am not allowed to see him right now but I am fighting hard to see him as soon as I can. That’s about all I can do right now.

The following letter is from my ex’s own brother. I knew about it but just had to read it first. I do have his permission to post it.

The cast:

D. B. — My ex’s brother, the author

B. — My ex

L. — My Son

J. — B.’s & her ex boyfriends Son

W. M. — B’s ex boy friend

The only thing I edited was the names *

To Whom It May Concern:

My name is D. B.* and I am one of B.’s* older brothers. I am writing this letter because I feel compelled to tell someone about my sister’s behavior. I think she doesn’t realize that she is affecting the well being of her children. Because of this and many other reasons, I feel that W. M.* would be a better full-time parent to both of my nephews, L.* and J.* I have two children of my own and they are my world. Their needs are my needs. On the other hand, I don’t feel that B.* puts her childrens’ needs first and because of this she does not deserve the privilege of having them live with her full time. I will attempt to explain why I feel this way.

I grew up with B.* and she was always the type to lie and to start arguments; sometimes I wondered if she could even help herself and if she knew what the actual truth was the longer some of her lies went on. I’m the only family member who is willing to step forward and tell the real story. My other family members (and especially my mother) are afraid to come forward because B.* is the type to use her children as ‘pawns’ and hold them against us. My mother is worried that if she takes W. M.* "side" and my sister still ‘wins’ in court that B.* will forbid my mother from seeing the children as a payback. Our family actually has a better chance of seeing the kids and having normal relationships with them if they live with W. M.* but my mom is still worried about it and won’t come forward. I, on the other hand, worry but I’ve thought long and hard and decided that I need to do what is best for my nephews, no matter what the cost to myself and the rest of my family because of my decision.

Right now B.* doesn’t have a good relationship with any of her family members. We all have basically disowned her over the years, a few times due to her requests to do so. The first problems started with S.* my youngest sister. B.* threatened her with violence to get her way. B.* always used her to complete her chores, cover for her if she snuck out of the house, etc. and would threaten her physically as well as verbally abuse her. This did not come out until we were much older and they did not live together anymore because B.* had told her that if she ever told anyone that ‘she would kill her’. I realize that these things happened a long time ago but, sadly, I still see some of those tendencies in B.*’s behavior today.

B.* also is someone who needs to always have attention, whether that is due to positive or negative things she would tell people. When she was around 9 or 10 years old, she claimed that my parents abused her. I’m one of five children and my mom and dad never abused us; my other three siblings (and I think B.* today too) would say this as well. They were not always the easiest people to live with; I’ll admit that. They are ‘rough around the edges’ some of the time but not abusive. I never saw her abused, physically or mentally, the way she described to people at school and I was shocked when I heard her lies. I’ve heard of stories where one child is abused and not others in a household but I just can’t imagine that in ours. My mother worked from home and all of the kids were home together a lot and I feel that I would have definitely seen or heard something. I never saw the official report from the woman from Social Services but, since we never heard from them again, I’m assuming they found no evidence of abuse either. In another incident, when I was in college I came to baby-sit my sisters for the weekend and when I was at work my motorcycle scooter was severely damaged. B.* claimed it just ran down the hill and hit a tree all by itself, yet again another lie. Years later the truth came out that she had tried to drive it and wrecked it. Also, when she was either at the end of high school or enrolled in college, B.* claimed that someone raped her at a mall in Ocean City, Maryland. She couldn’t provide the police with a description and doctors found no evidence of rape, just another lie to get her some attention.

Looking back now on everything, her entire life has been one lie after another. Her latest ‘claim’ is that she was/is dying from cancer. She was supposed to die two years ago. When the other family members found this out we all were there for B.*, we felt sorry for her and wanted to lend a hand but, after a while, her lie started to unfold. She would cancel doctor appointments when someone was going to go with her, she would claim that she had to have surgery or she would die in six months. I feel that maybe something was/is wrong with her but not what she is telling the rest of the family; she is just using all of us to get her way and attention. If she is dying, I’ll feel horrible but if it’s true the boys should not live with her as their sole provider because of her treatments, side effects, early death, and what will happen to them afterwards. If she doesn’t have cancer, what does that say about attention getting?

I don’t think that B.* puts her children first. When she gave birth to L.*, she shipped him off to our mother’s house so that she could get on her feet. She ended up leaving L.* there for 9 months. She did visit often but she couldn’t seem to handle motherhood and couldn’t get it together. What disappointed me the most was that she was drinking, smoking and doing the "21 year old thing" instead of being a mother and I sadly still see this behavior 6 years (and another child) later. Importantly though, I don’t understand why, if B.* was abused, she would leave her child with our mom and dad. She was just using our mother to help her and only thinking of herself.

L.* is a six-year-old boy who is being treated as a teenager by B.* She makes him do the laundry, fix food for his brother, and clean the house. That boy should be playing and having fun. I have heard her verbally abuse L.* many times. She has made him stand in the corner for extended time periods and told him he was a "f"**ing idiot" or that he was stupid, or that she should never have had him. I can’t count how many times I have heard her say that she has told the’ boys that she would "f"**ing kill them". I understand she works at a bar and that she is up all night, but at three O’clock in the afternoon the kids should be out of their pajamas, dressed for the day, and doing something. This does not happen a lot of the time because on numerous occasions, when I dropped by her house, B.* would be laying on the couch sleeping from a buzz she had from the night before and the boys would still be in their pajamas, entertaining themselves. She has on more then one occasion tried to pawn her children off on anyone who would watch them so she could go out. I know she goes out at least twice a week to party heavily. I can’t understand this because I would love to have more time with my children. I thought this was just a faze in her life and she would get over it but again NO. I truly believe that some people were not meant to be parents and unfortunately my sister is not meant to be one.

In my opinion, alcohol surrounds B.*’s life. She has a problem and doesn’t want to face the truth that it is affecting her judgment. I noticed it early on when B.* lived with my wife and me for two to three months. She was always going out, hanging around that crowd, coming home late or not coming home at all. Most of her jobs have included alcohol. She has bartended in at least two bars since the birth of her first child. She was fired from one of her jobs for giving drinks away. She would not admit it was true but based on her track record-she was caught again in another lie. She currently works at another bar and hangs out mostly with the patrons after work or goes to her bar on her time off Like I said before she has specific nights that she goes out to party, leaving the kids with W. M.* She always comes home but most of the time it is very late and on some occasions he has had to call her to come home so he could go to work the following morning. She would then drive home and sleep her buzz off while ‘supervising’ the kids.

I would like to tell you that the best thing that happened in B.*’s life (besides L.* and J.*, of course) is that she met W. M.* He was the one who suggested that B.* get L.* back from our mother and they did. I remember meeting W. M.* for the first time and thought he would leave her after a few weeks or months like many of her other boyfriends have done. I’m glad he stayed to be a part of L.* and J.*’s life. He made it a point to play with and take care of the kids. He would always bring them over to play with my children. She would either come over and help with them or come over and lay on the couch complaining about getting drunk the night before. He made sure they were always fed, bathed, and taken care of. W. M.* would always try to have birthday parties, even if they were small family ones. He would make sure to call us and my mother so the kids could speak to their grandmother. He put their needs first before his own. He has basically helped raise L.* even though he is not his biologically and I think that is extremely commendable. I think he would make the better parent, even though he is not a blood relative, and I’m impressed that he does not want to split the two children apart since they are so close to one another.

It took W. M* a long time to get up the nerve to leave B.* but I think it’s for the best, for him and the children. He didn’t leave for a while because he was (and still is) afraid that she would have full custody of the kids. He is afraid of this because: 1) he was in jail in the past, 2) he is not L.*’s biological father, and 3) B.* looks good in court and usually snows them over’. I think that it should not matter that he was in jail. He is a changed man and I believe a better parent than B.* is. W. M.* is also an incredible parent compared to L.*’s real father, Tom. I hope that the court does not just believe B.* because she seems innocent when people first meet her and people have a tendency to believe her lies since she is so good at telling them. I hope, for the boys’ sake, that it doesn’t happen this time.

This is one of the hardest things for me to do, to write a letter about B.* that is so damaging that she could lose the rights to her children, but I truly believe W. M* is the better parent and I hope he gets custody of them. I do believe B.* should see her children but I don’t think she should take care of them on a day-to-day basis. My nephews need guidance, love and a stable life and I believe they will get that with W. M.*


D. B (my ex’s brother) does not seem to speak to highly of me in this letter, but we have talked. My ex told him I used to hit and stuff like that. Since we spoke he no longer believes that but still he knew W. M. for 4 years and they hung out many times. I was only with my ex for 3 years and she would not ever go over his house let alone allow me to. If I had I would have found out what she told him about me. I do not have a problem with W. M. we have become good friends and my ex hates that. I am finding out many things, like what is in this letter, witch were hidden from me. I know my ex and believe everything her brother claims but in court if I mention this they would say it was “here say” I would have to get him to come in person. He said he would definitely do that for me if this letter is not good enough for them. I ask her brother if it was ok to put this letter here and he said “sure, go a head I don’t mind at all.” I would get too upset in court if I had to talk badly about my ex. I am glad my atty, her brother, and others will be the ones to give 1st hand, eye witness testimony in the upcoming custody hearings. I spoke to W. M. today and he asked me who my atty was because he wants him to rep. us both. That way maybe info can be shared between both our cases against her. We Shall see…tom g

8 Replies to “The “Letter””

  1. very powerful letter.My heart melts for your son. It so sad to think of a little boy being abused,,mentally,physically,,,etc,,,,She is going to have to stand before God one day,,,,and anwser forher treatment to your Baby Boy.Love Shnev

  2. She sounds like she really has a problem and needs help. I hope she gets it. I would never abuse my kids they are my world.I hope things work out for you and all.

  3. WOW….I hope that they actually read that letter. Well except the part about you not getting your son. I acutally think that your son should live with you and not an ex of your husband, I know that you like him as a person but your son should go to you first. I know that all this has to be hard and that letter coming straight from her brother is not a good sign at all. That is something that needs to be presented. That is rough no matter how you look at it because it has to be hard to lose your kids. but at the same time not even have your own family to support you. That sucks altogether.

  4. That letter is sure powerful. How would you feel if your ex’s brother got your son. I don’t think that would be right in any case. He is your son but…… Sometimes I think parents should have a licence BEFORE having children. I’m always thinking about you. You never put my space on your favourites..which is ok if you changed your mind but you did ask me. Take care SAAM

  5. Unbelievable!! You have to get some kind of vindication from that letter… although it doesn’t help you to see your son right now – someone has to be looking out for you and hopefully it will all be over soon and you 2 will be togther again. Just so sad that things have to be this way. Prayers are with ya!Michele

  6. Hi there-I found your site through Sam and I must say I am impressed! My dad won custody of my sister and I during my parents’ divorce and he did a wonderful job raising us. I feel, especially after reading this blog, that you should have FULL custody of Logan and I KNOW you could raise him to be a well-adjusted adult. My dad is an amzing man…and I see alot of him in you. Good luck and I WILL be back! (in my best ARNOLD voice.) :)Take Care,Alicia

  7. Wow! How wonderful her brother is willing to stand up for what is right, and not cower in the corner from her. Sounds like that’s what people have always done, and she will get what she deserves. Karma has a way of doing that.

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