Can you help?

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Heather left this comment yesterday and asked a question I could not answer. I tried to think what I would say to my Son but after much thought I couldn’t come up with a good answer for her. If any one has been in her shoes please give a suggestion. I can’t imagine not wanting to be in my kids life. Thanks for your help…tom g

 

Hello Tom, Nice to meet you. My name is Heather. I really enjoyed the fact that you are a single father who loves children that much. I myself am a single divorced mother struggling with a 3 yr old as well. My daughter’s father has never asked me to see her or talk to her. Trying to raise a child or even children as a single parent is one of the hardest part in life of being single. I am glad there are people like you who give a damn about your child. As for my daughter unfortunately she will never know what a father is until she is older. What do you tell your son when he asks about his Mother? My daughter is now starting to ask about her father and I have no idea what to tell her….! Please can you give some important advice to a single mother? Heather

Published by: Heather (http://spaces.msn.com/members/hntavon/)

13 Replies to “Can you help?”

  1. I am not sure I am qualified to answer this, since I am not in her shoes, but I will give it my best shot. I would tell her that mommy and daddy were not able to stay together, and that mommy is very lucky to have her. Ofcourse, adjust words used for age of child. I would do my best not to belittle father, say anything bad about him, or let tone of voice be altered. As she asks more specific questions, give more detailed answers, but again, never badmouth. She will make up her own mind about the father through the years, and it is best not to try to influence her emotions or decisions in that regard (at least that is what I think). And please feel free to toss my advice out the window. I am not a single parent, so I am not speaking from experience here.

  2. I don’t have a PHD, and I’m not even a parent. But what I’m thinking right now is Dr. Phill may help. By the way, your son looks just like his daddy. ^_^

  3. I agree with JenMahan my father left when I was 6 I haven’t heard from him since but I was told about the same thing and now I know he is just a selfish jerk

  4. Hi ya i dont hav a clue how i ended up here but im glad i did i been sat here wid me fag reading yr space and im lose 4 words in a gd way tho n just wanted 2 say hi n leave my markbyebye 4 now *HUGS* x__________88___________________888__88888__888___________88888_88888_88888__________88888888888888888_______ ____8888888888888888____________88888888888888_______________8888888888______________###___**________###____#####___**_____#####_____######__**___#####_______#####__**__####___________####__**_####______________###_**###______

  5. There is an awesome book for kids called… Dinosaur Divorce….This book can help explain why Mommy and Daddy are not together.It also talks about stepfamilies and who a judge is. It talks about feeling and other divorce related problems.As far as WHY daddy isn’t around. I think to be as trueful, with out being negative or bagging on the other parent, as possible. That is as trueful as a young child can understand. BUT always tell a child that BOTH parents love them even if the other parent is never around.Some parents love their child and it’s just to difficult for them to stick around. Maybe they believe it’s just better that way for the child.No matter what a parent does a child will ALWAYS love BOTH their parents. When the child get old enough to understand things, that may change.~♥~Michele~♥~

  6. Well Heather I have 3 children now there ages are 14, 12 and 9. When there father decided he didn’t want anything to do with them they were 6, 4 and 1. I’ve never said a bad word about him. Have always supported them. I figure they one day will be able to form there own opion. Any questions they ask i simply tell them i’m not there father and can’t answer that for him but if he knew you like i do i’m sure he would love you just as much!! I’ve always figured what goes around comes around. Good Luck to you!

  7. I have been there. I told the boys that their father loved them, but he and I did not get along. One of the boys asked once, "well, didn’t he like me?" (broke my heart) I told him that his father would have liked him very much. And that someday when he got older, we would give his father a chance to explain. That boy is 16 now, he has not asked about his father in a very long. Frankly he doesn’t care about his father now, but about the step dad who has raised him. The hardest part is when they are little.

  8. Hello,I think JenMahan’s answer was very "hit the nail right on the head" kind of answer. Never bad talk the parent who is not present, because it could be turned against you in the future, and also there will be more respect for you when that child is older. To many children are torn between awful things said about the other parent, and that hurts them more than parents sometimes realize. When she asks where her father is, try to be as honest as you can be in a very gentle and kind way. A way that can be honest, but does not seem like she was left behind or unwanted by him. No child should ever feel unwanted or unloved by a parent 🙁 My mother left my brothers and myself behind when when we were very young, it was over 15 years since I had seen her, and in all that time my father never bad mouthed her, but he was honest to us in saying he did not know why she had left, but that if she knew us, and we knew her, he was sure there would be a great love between us… that helped when I was a child, but as I got older I made my own decision/opinion about her. But I love my dad so dearly for the man that he is. Your child I am sure will know the love of a father, it may take a bit of time, but when you find the man willing to be a father and love your daughter as his own… it will be well worth her and your wait.Best of wishes,Keppiegirl

  9. WOW…that is a tough one. I dont know what I would say for sure but something to the effect of. "Well your daddy was never around and that is his choice that we made, we all have coices in our life and it is on an individual basis. It is out of mommy’s control of what your dad did, All I could do is try to get ahold of him and see if he has changed his mind. If not then sweetie, it is not mommy it is your daddys choice." That is what I would go for. Tom you should vote for me. http://spaces.msn.com/members/spaces-hall-of-fame/ for most helpful if you would like. Love your site.

  10. I told heather to just be completley honest with her kid! It’s the only way or else they won’t trust their mother as much! She sounds like she’s a good mom and tries really hard! I’m a single mom of a almost 5 year old but I do quite well!! Your son is totally cute!!! Kids are fun!!!

  11. Heather all i can say is never talk trash about him even if he is a as,hole,,i know its hard to try and tell a child about a parent who left or is not with the other parent i wish that if the parents could,nt get along they would,nt put the kids in the middle I myself went thru somthing like that but I took it upon myself to walk away from my lil ones knowing it was the hardest thing i could ever do somtimes now i lay awake crying about it ,,,,you know heather i thought that kissing my wifes ass and being a doormat was the best way for my marriage but in the end i lost everything even my kids god its sad

  12. These people that have tried to answer my question don’t get the fukk extent of the problem…My daughter’s father has never seen her, Not even at her birth. He has never called asking about her nor has even written about asking about her.

  13. Tom,Been so busy dealing with the aftermath of Katrina, I have not been around much.Wanted to say hello and check in on ya, tough question hard to fathom but it happens.Sorry to hear about the trails continuing but I pray for you persevere and get throuhg this and be with your son. I had to send mine boy to CA after the hurricane, but I get him back on Sunday.Take care, fight the good fight,Sean

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