My ex never had to take anger management. She got the court to order me to before and now she is gong to. This is a surprise to me for her to voluntarily go on her own. Maybe she might be discovering how destructive she has been. I hope she sees it through, she can use the help with her anger.
I know every one thinks I am crazy for taking a chance with her around but I have few choices now. I have no place to go now either. I think of it this way, I now get to see my Son EVERY day. I can be there to watch over him and protect him now if any abuse was going on BEHIND my back. My son will be in LESS danger with his DAD around to keep an eye on him. Every day I live here makes it harder for my ex to say I have no rights to be here. The cops who were and the worker all heard her say she wanted to drop the no contact thing. They also told me that most likely with her recent activities she would be the one the cops would put out on the streets. I am not a vengeful person, I know I could probably win full custody, & get her out of the picture but just because I could doesn’t make it right. I KNOW how it feels to have a child kept away. I would not do that to my enemies including my ex. I would rather help her to be a better mom that make her a bad one. My Son would never understand why I would keep her away.
If I was to leave she would find some new guy to move in. That would be worse and more dangerous for My Son. He know me and know I love him more that the "others". As for taking him away from his mom, I can only say that If I see with my own eyes anything that might put my Son in danger I will take actions but at least I will be around to see it in the first place. I hear things but can find no evidence and neither did the worker.
I know the most likely reason for Logan’s trouble in school is the changes in his home life before.The worker agreed with my suspicions. I can only try to help him find a way to direct that negative energy in a more positive way. He got into trouble again today and I went to pick him up today. His teacher came out with him. He would not listen to get his work done and was disruptive. I had to be the one to yell a bit this time. I have never had to do that before with him. On the way home I had a long talk to him about how I hate to yell at him and his punishment was to do what he hated to do …write. I told him he was going to write "I will not be bad in school". I asked how many times he thought would be a lot, he said 50x..I said not that many …how about 45 and every time your bad in school you will write it again +10. If that does not work I reminded him that I was home all day long just looking for something to do so I will come to his school every day and sit in the hall outside his classes and I he is bad I will come in and "remind" him to be good not to mention embarrass him in front of all his friends. He knows I can and will do it. He wrote his punishment and did his math homework while I made his supper. Then his mom came home and I thought she was going to do her own yelling thing but to my surprise she just let it go at what I gave him to do for being bad. He does not writ as neat as he should so I made him redo the ones that were too messy about 4. After supper he and his mom went to the mall for something to do. I stayed home because my back is "barking".
I hope people will understand my "whys"… tom g
10 Replies to “Anger Management?”
I just wanted to say I understand your side of things. I do have a few suggestions to hopefully protect yourself legally. The first thing to do would be to have her somehow get that no contact order dropped. The other thing would be to find a way to get your name on the lease. If you can not get these things accolmplished I would hope you would then take your time and energy looking for another place to live. It is best for your son to have a dad that can see him, and if something happens and her new "halo" tips, the situation you are in just will just implicate you to be in trouble not her. You have to consider how it legally looks on "paper", because in the end that is what a judge looks at. Wether or not she has a record and has run amuck and been put in jail, really is irrelivant when it comes to that no contact order. Plain and simple, the law says you are not to be around her. I really do believe it is in your sons best interest for you to gain full legal custody, does that mean you have to keep him from his mom? HECK no! It just means the boy will have a stable home that he knows is always there. The way she flits from place to place and boyfriend to boyfriend is SO unhealthy for him. Also regarding your son acting out in school. I honestly believe that punishment is not what he needs. He needs predictibility, stability, and someone to talk to (like a counselor). I don’t think he does these things because he is bad. He does these things because he in his own words doesn’t know. There is alot he has to say…but for one reason or another just must be holding it in. It would help him if he could talk to someone that is neutral to the whole situation. I do understand you need to punish so he understands its wrong..so still do that, BUT do not let that be the ONLY thing you do about this behaviour he has. I have been reading your journal for quite some time now, and I understand alot what you are going through in the terms of being a disabled parent, and having limited income and means to do what you need for that kid. I am a disabled single mom of two. I have full legal custody of both my children, but them seeing there father is #1 priority in my book. I make sure that my children feel free to love us both..no matter what! I just hate to see these women that keep their children away from their fathers!! I commend you for trying to do the right thing for your son always. BUT he is better off with you being the MAIN parent for him. So I hope you try and find a solution with your ex. You never know…maybe if you talk to her she might let you have custody. Maybe with her new realizations she is growing up and she will recognize you are more stable for him right now.Also if you are EVER interested in talking or whatever IM me at fairymyst78 on yahoo. 🙂 Hang in there.
Tom do you and her want to get together again?
You gotta do what you gotta do. As always, I hope it works out. I hope history does not repeat itself.Best of luck in all of this. You keep writin’ and I’ll keep readin’.
Hello there,I have not been here for awhile, alot of changes for you it seems :)One thing, are you and she tryng to work towards being together again? If not just be very careful of how your son may view this situation. I am sure you will be :)Take care and best of wishes
anger management classes are so funny to me. i knew a woman who when faced with possiblity of being put in jail would go to a mental hospital and check herself in, and this worked, when the judge looked at the paperwork most times she got a slap on wrist or nothing happened to her. i think your x is a smart women and she playing you like a fiddle. 1. she figures you staying there you will probally be paying most or all the bills. 2. she has a babysitter so she can come and go as she pleases. 3. you have stepped up and started doing all things that she was suppose to be doing at night, supper and cleaning. 4. the minute you step out of line, she can call the cops and slap you with the no contact order…..yes sir we have a smart one here. here is how she will get the no contact order, it will happen late one night, she will get mad, call a cop that doesnt know the situation, she will say that she has a no contact order and she wants you to leave because you are harrassing her, then you are either going to leave or you are going to jail. then the next day she is going to slap you with more charges and then try to take your visitations away from you. she is probally plotting this as i am typing right now. here is one thing that might work in your favor, i was watching COPS, the other day and they were in Rhode Island. an x husband had been sleeping on his x wife’s couch for about a week. well, her b/f came over and they got in a fight. cops were called and she wanted the xhusband gone, they could not make him leave because even by just sleeping on the couch, (no bills being paid, nothing in his name) he had established a residence and she had to have him evicted. now, i know that you are not in RI, but i figure maybe since you are in yankeeville and it seems that most of the NE states would have similar laws, you may want to check that out. what i am trying to say is that i would hate for you to lose what rights you have now because she flies off the handle at you. no matter what she does, she seems to jump in a pile of manure and come out smelling like a rose. i would watch my back. good luck….kat
I’ve been there where you are at. With the exception of ex. going to jail. Even though she needed to take anger management classes, I wound up being the one to do that instead. Made me out to be the bad guy in that situation. If the Apt. is still in her name, she could legally have you removed from it and take it back over. I think you are being set up for a hard fall on the apt. situation and the restraining order. If she moves back in with you and if the police ever have to come out there and they find out that there is a restraining order against you, they will arrest you. No questions asked. I know what you are going through, wanting to help her out but you may be the one that may need bailing out next time if she continues to stir up trouble with B.F. or anyone else. Suggestion: Find another apt. and let her have the old one back and stay clear of her until your restaining order is lifted or have the apt put in your name and let her find one on her own. Legally she has the upper hand over you and could and will use that to her advantage when she she sees fit to do so. Remember, the court system is geared towards the woman in a case like this, us guys do not have a leg to stand on despite our best intentions to do what is morally right. The courts do not look at what is right morally, just what the law dictates. Best thing for you to do is get full custody of your son to provide a stable home for him. Your ex. so it seems cannot do that and that is why he is acting out in school. And you cannot do that if she is living with you or you get arrested for violating the Restraining order. It is a tough choice to make, but do what is right for your son, not her, not you, but your son. She will manage to find another b.f. and continue the cycle she now finds herself in. Despite your best efforts. Get your Lawyer involved in this before it is too late.
Thank you for stopping by my space. I appreciate it.Be very careful with the situation that you are in now. Your son has to come first for both you and your wife. Be very sure what your LEGAL rights are. I wish you well.
Hello there,Thank you for stopping by, as always very much appreciated.I would like to respond more to what you said in your comment for me. But I just do not wish to put it on here. I hope all works out well for you, just be very careful.Take best of care, and best of wishes for youKeppiegirl
Hello T,My hope and wish that everything goes well there at your end.I was once divorced for 9 1/2 years of marriage…after almost 2 years of divorced my ex and I got back together and got re-married. As most of us, we all wanted to protect our children and want what is the best for them. Right now I can see my Angel’s smiles and I know deep in my heart that my husband and I made them the happiest because we got back together. At this point of life I did not look at the failures but I look for what is best. Forgiveness, love, understanding and to walk hand in hand no matter what is what I have learned for this journey of marriage.I truly understand your situation and I am so proud of you and the strength to carry on. Take care….Lalane
tomi read your comments on someone else’s site. i dont think anyone here hates you, it is more of a concern. we fear for you and what will happen. we have seen your x’s hateful side and know that is setting you up for a kill. i just dont want to see you lose your son because of her lies. please dont take it as hating you. your site is still my favorite blog and the reason i started blogging myself…..kat